One…two…Rorschach’s coming for you…

Right, so I’m overdue for another post, and I’ve got loads of things I want to do, but the following has got me ALL KINDS of excited, so I had to post it. By now I’m sure most of you have seen the just released first looks at our NEW FREDDY KRUEGER!!! But in case you haven’t, here ya go…

I’m pretty happy so far. It saddens me that there actually will be a new Nightmare movie without Robert Englund, but I trust Jackie Earle Haley to do something interesting with it, and I’m incredibly relieved that they didn’t make any drastic changes to the hat, sweater, and glove. In fact, I think the glove looks great. I’ve been reading a few things here and there from people who have seen closer looks at the makeup that there is a slight difference (a more “realistic” burned look), but from what little we can make out so far, it looks good. Also, there seems to be an effort to return the franchise to its original scary roots, as opposed to the ridiculous comical turn that the original series took in the later movies.

I’m just glad we’re finally getting a look at something. I’ve been checking all my usual horror/news sites daily for a few months now just dying for a peek at anything, but they’ve done an amazing job of security on this thing as far as not letting anything get leaked out. Now let’s see a trailer!

Now, it’s just a matter of whether or not Michael Bay, who is producing, will screw it up. Anyone who knows any little thing in the world about me knows I’m not exactly a fan of his, and was none too impressed by what happened with the Friday the 13th remake, but we’ll see. Although, and I hate to admit this, I actually did like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, even though I seem to be in the minority on that one.

The thing that concerns me the most are the one-dimensional descriptions of the other characters in the movie. Nancy will be the token Goth girl, then there’s a guy who’s a podcast-making nerd, and I’m sure there will be the standard jock/a-hole, a token black kid, yadda, yadda, yadda…I HATE this whole trend lately of having every young character in horror movies completely summed up in one word. Even in the cheesiest of early F13 and Nightmare movies, there was some kind of depth to some of the characters. Sometimes you even, oh I don’t know, actually cared about them. I guess time will tell. We’ve got till April of next year to over-analyze and talk ourselves into hating it early.

Aaaand, since it’s July, and my Halloween yearning is already in full affect, I’ve got some other creepiness to discuss. I’ve had some skeery critters hanging out on my porches lately. I’ve already discussed in a previous post my evil omen-bringing bird buddy that’s been hanging out. Well, he’s returned, and this time was on the back porch. He tends to switch back and forth between front and back. I can’t even take my trash out now without living in fear of getting dragged to hell by a pecking flock of infernal horrors. Check him out, looking over his shoulder, giving me the evil eye…

Well, it seems, he’s not satisfied in taunting me himself. He’s recruited other amphibious, legions of the damned. I found THIS little fella on my front porch the other night. Sorry for the dodgy quality. Best I could do with my cell phone using just the porch light for lighting…

Then, to make things worse, I decided to sweep the porch today and sweep away some of the spiderwebs in the corners of the door frame. That’s where I came across this guy. In case you can’t make it out, it’s a giant spider. In a giant web. And it’s dead.

Now these could all just be random coincidences…or, all of Hell itself could be conspiring against me to use a series of omens and signs that will over time drive me to the point of cackling madness. Don’t worry. I’ll be sure to document the entire spiral.

As a final note, I went off and got myself a haircut yesterday. A very short one. The lady who did it was sitting down reading a magazine when I walked in. She sighed, stood up, greeted me in a very monotone and annoyed voice, and acted the entire time as if I had just slit her dog’s throat, skinned it, laid it on her lap, and then demanded a haircut. I mean, she could not have possibly been more annoyed that she had to actually go to work for 15 minutes.

But, something good (aside from the haircut itself) is coming out of it. In an effort to appease my legion of fans and loyal readers, I’m fulfilling a request. The other day on Facebook, Kristiane requested a pic of the results. So, I’ll do you one better. I’ll give you two. Take that, Pliver!

EEK! indeed…

Where’s the Beef?

So I made some hamburgers the other day. Anybody else see a problem here?

Yeah, my burger to bun ratio might be a little off there.

So I guess this is the part where I’m supposed to do the cliche blog thing and put the “Where’s the beef?” Wendy’s commercial in, all embedded and such. Well, you’re out of luck. Ain’t going to happen. What do you think this is, amateur hour?

Shit.

What else…oh, a lot’s happened since we last talked. Sorry if anyone was jilted at The Deejies. The award committee is a fickle bunch. Maybe next year.

So a few weeks ago I was sicker than I’ve been in years…just miserable, hacking cough, not keeping food down, wheezing, sore all over, terrible, terrible sick. I’m all better now, but I spent one of those days helping my dad move. I’d felt bad if I had bailed on him because I promised him I would and he really didn’t have anyone else to do it, so I suffered my way through it.

Anyway, after it was over, we went out to this little general store type place up the road from his new house because they served hot dogs in there and he recommended it. As we were walking in, I saw THIS posted up outside:

Somebody want to explain to me what in the hell a “Fast Growing Kitten” is? Is this some genetically engineered Cylon cat that’s going to infiltrate the regular cat population in a sci-fi plot to take over the world? As if you hadn’t guessed, he moved kind out out in the sticks. Some weeeiiird stuff goes down in the country, man.

What else we got? I’m firing this one off kind of quick this morning because I’ve actually stayed up all night at this point and it’s almost 7:00am as I type this. I’ve got to get to bed soon because I may or may not be driving out of town later to see my family for the weekend. Haven’t decided yet. So, if this is particularly even MORE rambling than usual, it’s the lack-of-sleep-delirium talking.

Oh yeah, since we last talked one third of the entire entertainment industry died. Yeah, they’re dropping like flies. I’m really bummed that this is officially now a world without Michael Jackson. I don’t care what anyone says about him. Like Dave Chappelle once said, the man made Thriller. For that alone I can forgive any alleged kiddie-diddlin’ on his part. Hell, as long as as he’s passing out settlements outside of court, he could have diddled me.

I mean, he made Thriller, people.

Thriller.

So, yeah. The world’s going to hell. Everybody’s dying and now we got Mark Sanford once again bringing shame down upon South Carolina. Joining a long list of things that we’re already embarrassed about…lessee…we had slavery, the Confederate flag flying atop the capitol, Susan Smith, Strom Thurmond, Hootie and the Blowfish, Matchbox 20, at least one cast member of The Real World, and now this jackass. I never liked the guy anyway. He came into my office years ago when I worked at the SC Film Commission and rubbed me the wrong way even back then. For those of you reading this outside of SC (i.e. everyone), in case you’re wondering, he wasn’t exactly liked here anyway, even before the scandal. I’m almost glad it happened though. Now we might actually be rid of him.

But, to try to save a little face and put the The Palmetto State in a better light, I’ve put together a little list of things that SC has produced that we’re actually pretty proud of. So, here we go:

–Myrtle Beach–This one’s kind of a weird one because while people all over the east coast go there to vacation and think it’s great, people actually in SC refer to it as “The Redneck Riviera”. We go there every summer, but don’t really see what the big deal is. Same as anywhere else, though. I’m sure people who live near Disneyland are pretty blah about it and sick of the tourists, while the rest of the world thinks it’s amazing.

–Charleston

–Sweet Tea (yeah!)

–Blue skies, mountains, and beaches–Yeah, I know you can get that anywhere, but if you can get past the searing, 96 degree summers, this IS a really beautiful place to live.

–Andrew Jackson

–Andie MacDowell (Hotness!)

–Leeza Gibbons

–Eartha Kitt

–Shawnee Smith (Double Hotness!)

–Vannah White

–Stephen Colbert

–Peaches–I know, Georgia gets all the credit, but SC actually produces more of them. Plus, GA doesn’t have this sumbitch:

Traveling south on I-85 toward Gaffney (where Andie MacDowell is from) you get this sight. A 150 foot tall peach shaped water tower, technically named Peachoid, but us locals just call it “The Peach.” A trip along I-85 wouldn’t be the same without getting mooned by The Peach there. It’s perverted. It’s uncomfortable, and it’s freaking huge. I love it. I’ve actually urinated on it, but that’s a story for another day.

Couple more things I wanted to discuss. Oh, there’s this bird that’s been hanging around my place. It hung around last summer too, only it’s kind of creepy. It’s hard to tell in the pic, but it’s actually perched on the inside of the awning above my porch. I come out sometimes and there it is, with it’s back turned to me, all Blair Witch and stuff…

And sometimes it switches porches. I’ve got the same kind of awning on the back porch too, and sometimes I’ll see it there, right in front of me when I open the back door, back turned to me. I’m pretty certain it’s some sort of omen. Maybe it’s got something to do with those fast growing cats. Exactly what was in those hot dogs anyway?

In other news…

Hey, guess what I did a couple of days ago…

Wait…what’s all this now?

Izzat what I think it is? It looks like it could be…no, it can’t be…it’s a, it’s…

READ ‘EM AND WEEP, BITCHES! I SAW GHOSTBUSTERS AT THE MOVIES!

Yep, couldn’t believe it. I was looking at the movie listings just for the heck of it the other day and I saw that a theater in town was showing some random, one-time-only showing of Ghostbusters at the ungodly hour of 10:00 in the morning on Wednesday. Now, considering that as I type this it is now AFTER 7:00am, and I’ve been up since YESTERDAY morning, I’m not exactly a morning person. But this was worth it. So, after being all excited and going to bed at like 6:00am on Wednesday morning, I set my alarm and got up like 3 hours later and went and saw Ghostbusters. Of course even though I’ve seen it a million times and can quote like every line, I’d never seen it on the big screen. It was an amazing way to spend the morning. If I could do something like this every morning, I’d get a lot more done in life.

The other thing I know is, after all these years…I’m still scared s**tless of this:

I’m sorry, but “Where’s the beef?” just never stops being funny.