9 Days Till The Dark Knight and Batman’s Delivering My Pizza!

I am a terrible person. A terrible, awful, neglectful person. If this blog were my child, I should be taken away in handcuffs and shamed by my neighbors. Yes, I left it in the custody of you nuts, and I appreciate that you’ve bothered to check in from time to time. My statistics page says that you’ve done your part. However, while I was busy going to Megaparties and talking about horror movies and planning wild and crazy trips to the beach with all of you, my poor little blog sat here all alone, save for the occasional loyal visitor looking for updates that were never there. Well, today friends, I’m here to say I’ve turned over a new leaf. I hath seen the error of me ways, and as I sit here at 4:30am on a Wednesday morning, I embark on what will be a writing frenzy the likes of which haven’t been seen since a certain someone decided he would vow to write a new article every day of the summer for a party that can only be described as Mega. Ok, maybe I’m just being a little dramatic, but the point is, there’s a certain movie coming out in a little over a week that’s got me so giddy you’d think somebody up and shot sunshine straight up my skirt. The following will be just the first of many related articles in the coming days. I give you…..THE DOMINO’S DARK KNIGHT PIZZA BOX!

If you know anything about me, it’s that I’ve been obsessed with all things Batman since Jesus was a junebug. My level of Batman nerdiness ventures into that of the Trekkie, meaning if there was a comparable thing to Trekkies for Batman people, I’d be right up there. So for that reason, all the posts I write between now and next Friday will be Batty somehow, and I’ve got a few I’m cooking up so I hope to keep you guys entertained fairly well as we all wait for the big day to arrive. And who knows, after the obligatory movie review that will come sometime next weekend, I still might find something Bat-related to ramble on about. But, let’s kick this thing off with the pizza I ordered tonight.

Domino’s is all up in The Dark Knight. Their website is super decked out in contests and promos and shit. The way it works is you have to order The Gotham City Pizza Special. It’s basically a large pepperoni pizza, with 50% more pepperoni than usual for $9.99, and by ordering it online you gain access to The Dark Knight Vault, which contains exclusive clips, downloads and the chance to win all kinds of prizes, such as $10,000, autographed goods, and a Dark Knight Xbox 360 Elite. Apparently, only 110 of this thing exists. So, obviously I had to jump all over this. But, here’s the thing, it’s not just the stuff on the website that’s cool, it’s the freaking box the pizza comes in! Once I found out that there’s a Batman related pizza box out there, I HAD TO HAVE IT! So, tonight I made a little call. It turns out, there’s 4 of these things total. Each one has a different thing on the bottom that you can cut out to form your very own Batman costume. Don’t get too excited. It’s not exactly as fancy or complicated as it sounds. It’s more like, if you happen to have a cardboard Batman costume laying around, Dominos throws you some accessories, but still…..it’s a mother effin’ black Gotham City themed pizza box!

Now, in my excitement I made a bit of a mistake. See all the aformentioned groovy stuff you get in the previous paragraph by ordering online? Well, that’s just it. You have to order it online. Instead, I called my order in cause I wanted to make extra sure that it would be delivered in the Gotham City box, not noticing the rules and such, so I don’t have access to The Dark Knight Vault just yet, which sadly is a high priority in my life right now. But, seeing as there are 3 more of these bad boys to collect, I’ll have more chances. This promotion only runs through July though, so I better get on it. Oh, and one of the perks of getting into The Vault, is you get access to a super secret new trailer that’s only available there. It’s not gonna be on TV or attached to any other movies. To that I say, “Hey, Domino’s, let me introduce you to a little upstart called YouTube. You might wanna look into it. I hear good things.”

So, I called them up and waited my 30 minutes, and just like I thought it would, my phone rang cause the pizza guy couldn’t find my place. I just moved here 2 weeks ago and for the first week I could barely find it myself, so I had to walk up the driveway and wave him on in. My heart pounded in an-ti-ci-pa-tion as I jogged back up the driveway and into the house to retrieve my wallet. As I turned around he was standing in the doorway holding…THIS!

Every square inch of this thing is filled with little things to keep me excited before I even opened it. I must have spent 10 minutes looking at it, forgetting that there was food inside. There are quizzes you can take to find out if you’re Batman or The Joker. There are secret codes to get into The Vault. There are warnings not to feed the bats. Hell, even the title and slug line of the pizza is cool–THE GOTHAM CITY PIZZA: CLOAKED IN PEPPERONI. DELICIOUSLY MYSTERIOUS. But, one of the coolest things I saw was printed on the little corners that fold inward on the front. You almost wouldn’t notice it if you weren’t looking for it. It says:

CORRU-SKELETAL TECHNOLOGY

THIS BOX IS ENGINEERED LIKE A PROTECTIVE BAT-SUIT. RADICAL CARDBOARD TECHNOLOGY DEFENDS PIZZA AGAINST CRUSHING FORCES OF EVIL.

“Crushing forces of evil!” Fuck yeah! I’m telling you folks, I haven’t been this excited since the Batmania of ’89. Anyway, like I said, you get accessories to form your own Bat-Suit. I asked the guy if the next time I called if I could ask for a specific box and he said it depended on how cool the person answering the phone was, so maybe I’ll get to collect all 4. Tonight I snagged this one, arguably the best of the 4:

Of course, I won’t be cutting up my box. I have no idea where I’m gonna store these things once I get my pizza-greased little hands on them, but here are the other 3:

I think just the bat chest symbol is pretty rad. I’ll always have a place in my heart for the yellow oval, but this is pretty cool too. I’m not sure what ordering 3 more of these pizzas is going to do to my physique over the next month, considering I only ate half of tonight’s pizza. Plus, I love pepperoni and all, but having 150% of a serving is a bit much. I was kinda wishing that the city of Gotham had an affinity for mushrooms or something….you know, anything to throw some variety in there. They should do a Two-Face themed one, split down the middle, with like half pepperoni, half hamburger. Or, a Joker one, where the toppings are layed out to look like a Joker face. Come on, Domino’s! I mean, that Two-Face thing was a gimme. Luckily, Domino’s just happens to be my favorite out of all the big pizza delivery chains, so this is still an all-around win for me.

Ok, prepare for a change in tone. I hate to end this one on a downer, but I really wanted to mention something else before I wrapped this up. This may not mean much to you non comic book readers out there, but this seriously bummed me out this week. On a serious note, a few days ago the comic book industry lost one of its best talents. Michael Turner lost his battle with bone cancer at the age of 37.

He not only was one of the biggest names in comics, but he was my personal favorite comic book artist ever. I don’t say that just because I’m trying to pay tribute to him. He really was my all-time favorite. His style was one that hadn’t really been seen before and it somewhat resembles the one that I’m slowly trying to achieve (actually, that’s just wishful thinking, I only WISH I could even be anywhere near the same league as that guy). From everything I’ve read about him the last couple of days, he never complained and was just a happy guy who loved life. Most people had no idea he was as sick as he was. I remember that a few years ago he took a hiatus from his company, Aspen Comics, because he was in the hospital for a while.

That was the first time that I, and most fans, found out that he was sick at all. He bounced back from that and got back to work straight away and was fully confident that he had beaten the cancer. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case. I think this is also hitting home to me in a big way because one of my own personal best friends, someone who is practically like a sister to me, has been battling it for a few years now. After years of health problems since she was kid, from dialysis, to having a kidney transplant, to now cancer, she is slowly losing the fight. But despite it all, her character is the same as Turner’s. She never complains and always finds a way to make a joke out of things, no matter how serious they’re getting. She is one of the strongest people I’ll ever know. Sadly, it’s a strong possibility she won’t make it to the end of the year.

If you just want to check out an amazing artist, even if you care nothing about comics, check out Michael Turner’s stuff. He was one of my idols and I only wish I could have met him, if only just to shake his hand and tell him that he’s the reason why I’m chasing after a silly artist’s dream and making sure there’s a pencil in my hand every day, working to be where he was. He will be missed.

Here’s his rendition of the big man…Batman, I mean. Oh, there’s some other guy in the picture too.