Archive for September, 2008

“With Great Power Comes Great Responsibili-Tin”

Posted in Uncategorized on September 21, 2008 by DJ D

This was going to be a completely different post tonight. I had something really groovy planned, but something happened just as I was leaving for work today that changed everything. First off, it was going to be my last Batman post for a while. “But DJ D, you said you were going to write nothing but Batman stuff for the time being!” I know, I know…well, I say a lot of things. Honestly, I’m getting a little burned out on it, and since I’m back in the swing of writing JUST IN TIME FOR HALLOWEEN, there’s a lot of other stuff I want to talk about. It’s better to spread the Bat-stuff out anyway. I’ve got tons of it, and I’m a big enough nerd I can keep it going forever. So, my next post will be the last Batman thing for a while, then I’ll be on to other stuff.

That being said, I had just locked up today, was about to hop in my car to head to work, and lo-and-behold, here comes the mailman. I walk over to the mailboxes and do that awkward thing where you kind of wait for him to hand you YOUR MAIL and wonder if he’s just going to ignore you and stick it in the box anyway. I always expect him to not believe me and ask for some kind of ID, but that never happens. He’s kind of like the ice cream man, only with AARP solicitations. Well, he only had one thing for me today, and it was this:

So, by now you’re wondering what this is. Well, kids, it’s something I’ve been waiting for for a little while now. You see, not too long ago I was one of the lucky winners of…(drumroll…)…DC’s Huge, Spectacular, Fantastic, Ginormous, Stupendous, Superb Giveaway Of The Centrury! I’ll give you a second to click the link and read what it was all about. Don’t worry about me. I’ll wait.

You back? Wasn’t that cool? As of this afternoon, the wait was over.

I gotta say, DC wraps a package like it’s her job. This outer layer of white you see there was one of 3 layers you had to get through to get to the thing. You’d think she was using actual webbing to hold this thing together. Christmas at her place must take all damn day. I can imagine the extra unwrapping time that must be factored in before anybody gets to eat anything. Who let DC wrap again this year?! Come on! Turkey’s gettin’ cold! Friggin’ tape…

I’m just funnin.’ I’m actually impressed by a good wrapping job. I’m one of those freaks that actually enjoys wrapping presents.

Ok, so after you get through the first layer of Fort Knox over here, you get to a second layer of newspaper. I’ll spare you anymore pictures of the other layers before the big reveal, but I did find something interesting while I was frantically tearing into the newspaper like I was expecting a cool re-issue of Optimus Prime to be under there. (hint-hint, Christmas IS coming up folks). Staring right up at me on the top part of the box was this. I tried to reconstruct it the best I could:

It’s a missing kid! Ok, maybe I shouldn’t have used an exclamation point there. Makes it sound like I’m excited about it. It did make the journey to Spidey a little more exciting though. The picture on the left is her when she disappeared and the one on the right is her computer-ly aged 20 years. The caption under the morphed up picture reads: Age progression to 20 years sponsored by Firestone Complete Auto Care. Well, it’s nice to know Firestone gives a shit.

Ok, so why am I inculding this? Well, I’m thinking it’s the Spider-Man-ly thing to do. I think he’d really appreciate this. I mean, here I am, selfishly tearing into my new package, thinking only of myself (and pretty much scalping the poor girl I might add–as if she doesn’t have enough to worry about already) and staring me right in the face (almost literally) is the chance to make the world aware of a missing child via the power of my blog and all the internets. And we all know what Spidey thinks of the nature of power and reponsibility. So, for those of you who care to read them, here are the stats that are below the picture of li’l Missy Milk Carton over here:

Name: Emily Sawyer
From: Toledo, OH
Date Missing: 4/1/1988
Date of Birth: 4/3/1983
Sex: Female
Age: 25 yrs
Ht (at age 5): 4 ft 0 in
Wt (at age 5): 45 lbs
Hair: Brown
Eyes: Blue

So, there you go. Good luck, Emily Sawyer, wherever you are. Maybe someone somewhere will see this and something good will come of it.

Right, so now that we’ve done our good deed of the day and scored some brownie points with the man upstairs, lets get to the tin. After the newspaper, there was the final 3rd layer which was basically a little plastic baggie–strangely the exact shape of a small Spider-Man tin. Theeeennnn. we get THIS!

If you want some good pictures of the sides of it so you can get the full effect, I refer you to the link of the contest above. By now you should have read it anyway. I was gonna try to snap one of the bottom of it cause it had a great paragraph that details his origin and some of his villains, but I just kept getting the reflection of my phone in the picture so I gave it up. I’m sure Peter Parker could have done a better job, but this ain’t the Daily Bugle, and from the pictures on the tin, he looks a little busy anyway. I still have no idea of what I’m going to put in it, but I’ve got enough nerdy comic book cards and things that I’m sure I can find something. Maybe it’ll be my official storage spot for concert and movie tickets and momentos. That would work.

So, thanks again DC! You’re the bees knees! And while I’m still waiting on DC to eventually humor me with that debate on who could win in a fight–Spider-Man or Batman–I give you this–a great memory from the Saturday mornings of my childhood.

This was one of my favorite lesser known cartoons back then. I remember that it came on as part of a block of cartoons called the Marvel Action Universe, which also included a Robocop cartoon and one called Dino-Riders about a race of dinosaurs from outer space that had cool weapons and allowed humans to ride them. Highly unlikely. Something tells me if dinosaurs could come from space and carry weapons, they’d wipe us out and put our bones in museums.

The thing I like most about Spider-Man and His Amazing friends was that one of the Amazing Friends was Iceman, who was always one of my favorite X-Men, and sorely underrated. What you don’t see in the intro is that the way they get in and out of the house is through an underground tunnel that eventually leads them to a secret door…in the front yard. Yep, they just come right out of the ground in the front yard, costumes and all, right in full view of the whole neighborhood. And not a soul spots this when it happens. Not one. But, let’s just say for the sake of argument that it was common knowledge around town that Spider-Man, Firestar, and Iceman always used the front yard as a hidden entrance to that house. You never know what these kinky freaks from the east coast are into. Despite this, no one ever questioned the fact that Peter Parker, Bobby Drake, and some hot redhead also happened to live there. And you never saw them in the same place at the same time with the three nutjobs that just happened to live in that house and were flying in and out of the joint all hours of the night.

It’s a good thing Spidey and His Amazing Friends were there to protect the town, cause their neighbors were idiots.

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Rumblings from inside the coffin…

Posted in Uncategorized on September 10, 2008 by DJ D

There is a gentle stirring inside the coffin tonight. The leaves are dancing alive just outside. The feint scent of All Hallows Eve is in the air–a hellish beast riding a wave of black wind, rushing toward us. Soon, kids. Very soon. The slight breath of life inside this body is slowly growing into an excitement that forces my rotted hand to push open the lid of the old pine. I grip a handful of dirt, clawing my way to the surface, yearning for the company of you fellow demented ghouls. It’s been far too long since I enjoyed the company of all of your maddening scribbles, and a certain brand of entertainment that can be only described as “X.”

I think back on fond memories of giant purple ape juices, chicken flavored doritos, movie reviews and true words of wit from the land of snow topped mountains, cakes in the shapes of a feral beast, an amazing driven athlete–racing across this country to his destiny, like a bat out of some southern Hell, all the while tossing out the most ingenious insights you’ll ever know, images of the far east born from the hand of a wicked goddess, mirth and mayhem from the white north, and ramblings of the deepest perversions from across the pond. These and many others race across my twisted thoughts as I break the surface of this most unhollowed ground. I take a breath of haunted air and look toward the coming days of horror. There’s much to be said and I’ve slumbered for far too long…