The Gayest Cartoon Characters Ever

We here at the Great and Secret Show work on our own timetable. Regular readers are pretty well aware of this. The last 2 posts were supposed to be 2 of 3 where I covered everything I did and bought for Halloween. I’ve got a lot more to talk about, but being that it’s less than a week away from Turkey Day, I honestly can’t be bothered with making that third post. So, I’m going to just sprinkle the rest of my spooky stuff (of which there is quite a bit) here and there throughout the next few posts…if I feel like it. Either way, you nuts will show up and read it anyway, so screw it. For now, I’ve got other stuff to discuss.

Which brings me to this. I love cartoons. Love ’em. Always have and always will. But, it has occured to me lately that there is a certain segment of the animated community that is a little, shall we say, light in the loafers. As my grandfather used to say, “he’s got a little sugar in his tank.” Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I’m just saying. I know that I’m not the first to notice this and I’m not the first to point it out, but I’m leaving some of the more obvious ones off the list, because it’s more fun that way. So, you won’t see any Ace and Gary here, and as much as people protest otherwise, there will be no mention of Batman and Robin. For one, they weren’t originally cartoon characters, and for two, I just don’t have the heart. Also, you’ll notice that not everyone discussed is necessarily a cartoon character. I’m kind of extending my definition to a few puppets and people in suits here and there.

So, having said that, I give you my list of all those funny (and i’m not talking funny ha-ha) characters, in no particular order, that are not only friends to us all, but more notably, Friends of Dorothy.

Snagglepuss

snagglepuss2

The other day I was flipping channels and came across an old episode of the Hannah Barbara Laff Olympics. These things were great. All the old HB characters came together to compete in wacky games. It was the only time you ever got to see all these guys together in the same place. I remember loving it as a kid. They were hosted by old Snagglepuss up there. So, I was excited to find this on TV again. I sat back, dug into my bowl of Frosted Mini-Wheats, had a laugh, and let my thoughts wander to a better time. A time when Saturday morning cartoons reigned supreme. A time when Halloween and Christmas never came fast enough. A time when-

Oh my God, Snagglepuss is so gay.

I mean incredibly gayer than gay. I mean, have you heard him speak? Again, I’m not criticizing. I just never noticed it till now. Apparently, it took adulthood for me to develop any kind of gaydar. But let me tell ya, it’s pinging all over the place now, firing on all cylinders, e-ven!

Bugs Bunny

bugs-bunny

Now, while I’ve always been more of a Wile E. Coyote kind of guy, I still really like Bugs. And I know a lot of other people do too. But, let’s face it. The cross-dressing. The rabbit-on-man kissing. The love of show tunes. He could just be a debonair showman, but I’m not ruling out any possibilities.

Yogi Bear and Boo Boo

yogi

All I’m saying here is that I never saw any female bears having any pic-a-nics with Yogi. And if Boo Boo is supposed to his kid or his nephew or something, it would be nice if they had cleared that up at some point. All we know is that he’s his “little buddy.” Yeah, I think we know what that’s all about.

Bert and Ernie

bert-and-ernie

Even at the tender age of 5, I knew something odd was going on here. It wouldn’t have been such a dead giveaway if they didn’t sleep in the same bed. I gotta say, they do deserve some credit for being TV’s first out couple, even if it was never directly addressed. I suppose they didn’t have to though. They bicker like a married couple anyway. And even though it’s been years since I made a point of sitting down and watching Sesame Street, I’m sure if you paid close attention to their apartment, it’s faaaabulous. Rubber ducky, you’re the one.

Big Bird

big-bird

I never really suspected anything when I was a kid, but it became pretty apparent when I got older. But I have another theory about BB though. I’m not just going with gay. I think he’s all out pre-op tranny. I mean think about it. Does anyone really know what gender he/she is. Well, whether it’s an inny or an outy, BB’s OK in my book. He’s not hurting anybody. Now Snuffleupagus, that’s a different story. He’s about 3 missed Prozacs away from snapping and taking out half the street.

Peppermint Patty and Marcie

pp-and-marcie

There’s not much to say about the Indigo Girls here that hasn’t been said already. From Peppermint’s tomboyish and forceful style to Marcie calling her “sir” all the time, it’s pretty clear who’s wearing the pants in this relationship.

Velma

velma

My personal favorite of the Scooby Gang. I mean, how could you not like Velma? While Fred and Daphne were sneaking off to do whatever they do and Shaggy and Scoob were “eating Scooby snacks” (cough, cough), poor Velma was always left to do the real work. I know that everyone always assumes that Fred and Daphne were sneaking off to get up to some hanky-panky, but let’s face it. That ascot of Fred gave him away. While he doesn’t deserve an actual spot on this list just because he’s lame, I do have to mention that he was a little swish himself. I think the more likely story was that Velma was secretly pining after Daphne. Who knows, maybe Daphne was pitch-hitting too. All I know is that Sarah Michelle Gellar might be hot and all, but for my money, in the Scooby-Doo movies Linda Cardellini is where it’s at. Jinkies!:

velma-movie

Tinky Winky

tinky-winky

Do I really need to say anything here?

Vanity Smurf

vanity-smurf

Now, a case could be made that all the Smurfs were one big, blue bathouse of fun, but the truth is, it was most likely just an unfortunate sausage fest. While it’s no secret that Smurfette’s mushroom mansion of merriment has been the ruin of many a poor boy (who hasn’t smurfed her by now?), it’s also no secret that Vanity’s the only one in the clan with a season pass to the American leg of Cher’s 43rd fairwell tour. Way to rock that flower, you sexy mothersmurfer.

He-Man

he-man

This breaks my heart. I don’t want to admit it. I really don’t but you can only live in denial for so long. After going back and watching many an episode of He-Man in my adulthood I can’t ignore the tell-tale clues anymore. Now, as a child I worshipped He-Man. I think I might have had just about every He-Man related toy on the market, and could quote entire episodes. Next to Batman, he was probably my favorite fictional hero. Hell, I even had the underoos. But, being a little more wordly now, it’s pretty apparent that he and his magic flaming sword are probably all the rage down at the Eternia Gym. And while I’m at it, what’s up with Man-At-Arms and that mustache? By the Power of Gayskull! (sorry, I couldn’t help myself)

Waylon Smithers

waylon-smithers

There is so much wrong with him and the Mr. Burns situation I don’t even know where to start.

Stewie Griffin

stewie

Proof that even in infancy, it’s pretty apparent which way some people swing.

Ziro the Hutt

ziro

So there I am. Sitting in the theatre, enjoying the The Clone Wars movie. Yeah, that’s right. I said it. I liked it, even though no one else seemed to. I like the TV series too. So, put that in your pipe and smoke it. Anyway, I’m sitting there getting geared up for the chance to see another Hutt character. I mean, let’s face it, as disgusting as Jabba is, he lights up the screen in a way. So, here comes Ziro…

Elton Jumping John, he’s gayer than eight guys screwing nine guys. I mean, the feather, the lisp, the movements. It’s not even subtle either. At least with C3P0 (yeah, like you’ve never noticed that one either), there was some debate either way. Again, I’m not criticizing, I just never thought I’d see the day that a Hutt would run the most limp-writed disco in the galaxy.

Hey there, Sailor. Is that a light saber in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

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38 Responses to “The Gayest Cartoon Characters Ever”

  1. OMG, this is hilarious. Two snaps up.

  2. NOOO !!Not He-man!!! DJD, this is my childhood you’re messing with!!

    Friggin’ hilarious post, man. I’m supposed to be working over here. Instead I’m trying not to noticeably crack up. Funniest thing I’ve read in a while.

    FM

  3. That was amazing. XD!!!!

  4. I laughed so much, I think I died.
    Did you know there’s internet in heaven?

  5. Yogi wasn’t the gay one, Boo Boo was. Yogi had Cindy Bear, Boo Boo just had his candids of Yogi.

    Great entry, but I really fail to see anything new. I knew that were out & about. I’d still do Velma, though. Yes.

  6. Yep, you hit on some pretty obvious one’s there. It’s funny how we can be so oblivious to these things as kids. It took adulthood for me to realize that one of my fave cartoon characters, Pepe Le Pew, was nothing more than a stalking borderline rapist.

  7. Amy–Thanks. In a ‘”Z” formation!

    FM–I hate to be the bearer of such an unfortunate truth, and like I said, it breaks my heart too, but I calls ’em like I sees ’em. Now, if anybody starts talking about Batman around here, we’ll have to step outside. Them’s fightin’ words!.

    Dio–Heh, your mom’s amazing. Thanks!

    Hazard–Nice to see you around here! Yes, I had heard such a rumor. I understand there’s one in Hell as well, only it is comprised of nothing but fecal-based pornography and Nickleback fan sites…and sometimes the two things are combined.

    “Galileo”–Yogi could often be found wearing one of those shirts that said, “I’m not gay but my boyfriend is.”

    And yes, Velma in the Scooby-Doo movies could have just sat and read from the phonebook for 2 hours and I’d still be drooling over her.

    DC–What??? I always chase down girls I like, pin them down against their will, paint white stripes on them and forceably kiss them. What’s so wrong with that? Next thing you know, you’ll be telling me it’s wrong to sit outside their house at 4am in the car while cutting their name into my arm while fantasizing about murder/suicide scenarios. Hey, without night vision goggles and letters written in my own blood, how else are they supposed to know I really care?

  8. Yogi was, Cindy was just a fag hag. Notice how Cindy was always trying to pull Yogi, but he was oblivious or avoiding.

    And…as we discussed, Deej, can’t forget half-naked, bondage-apparelled, skinhead, bodybuilder with two fist-ended sticks. Panthro.

    Because it was obvious Panthro wanted Tigra (if only for a whipping), though Tigra wasn’t that interested. Cheetara was into Tigra and Lion-o, and probably would’ve banged pretty much any other Thundercat – probably even Jaga once rigor mortis kicked in. Snarf was obviously mid-point in gender realignment therapy. Wilykit and ‘kat had a twincest thing going on.

    Oh, and Deej, sounds like you are channeling me a little there. 😄

  9. Yeah FM I hate to say it too but c’mon the pink shirt and purple tights Adam wore all the time?? Kind of a dead give away.

  10. Guise
    Oh, and Deej, sounds like you are channeling me a little there. 😄

    That’s entirely possible. But if so, is it that bad a thing really?

    Dan makes an excellent point. He was pretty much waving his rainbow flag in those tights.

  11. YES. Its IS a bad thing. 😄

  12. Dude you forgot Fisto from He-Man! Look at a picture, nuff said!

  13. You got me there. I don’t know how that one slipped by me.

  14. This was just the greatest. I read it a while ago but I reread it so I could appropriatly comment. Snagglepuss! Heavens to megatriod. Alright even. Exit, stage left!
    Year, he smokes pole. Huckleberry pole.

  15. I meant yeah. not year

  16. Ok. I don’t want to be “that guy” but I have to point out that Bert and Ernie NEVER shared a bed together, they sleep in the same in the same room, but have seperate beds which are label “E” and “B.” Plus Big Bird is a boy, by the way.

    But with Waylon Smithers, come on that’s like saying I think Elton John is gay, of course he is, he said so himself.

    Still overall a pretty funny list.

    • Well, thanks for stopping by. Sorry it took me so long to approve this and reply. Been pretty busy. I hope you stop by more often, even if it’s just to be “that guy.”

      • Thanks I proabably will. You know one you should of put on your list is Lenny from Sharktale (I hate that movie by the way), but when I first saw that movie I knew when they were trying to make that character seem like. I mean he doesn’t eat fish, he scared to tell his dad, he cross dressed. Honestly, in my opinion that’s the gayest cartoon character I’ve seen, even more so than Queer Duck.

      • I’ll try to keep that in mind for the next one. Since this post was actually the highest-hit post in the history of the blog, I’m thinking about doing a Part 2. Lord knows there are plenty more of them out there to cover.

      • I’m a little late to the party here but if you do a follow-up, you’ve got to include Pepe Le Pew – a closet case if I’ve ever smel – I mean seen one. All that obsessive girl-chasing is obviously a cover for his repressed, trying-to-deny-it-to-himself sexual orientation. Why else would he always be chasing females not of his own species unless he knew deep down he wouldn’t have to follow through – and the few times they did respond, boy did he leave in a hurry!

  17. Great blog! Your argument about Yogi and Bugs Bunny really made me think…. Hahah! Love it.

  18. O where’s Templeton(Paul Lynde)????????

    Holy crap, how could I forget that? Yeah, I really gotta do a Part 2 to this. I can’t believe it’s been all this time and people are still finding it and commenting. Thanks for reading, btw, everybody. I’ve been ignoring the blog in general, but tonight I’m getting caught back up.

  19. don’t forget spongebob. haha good post it was super funny

  20. buddy boy Says:

    huckleberry hound

    wally gaytor

  21. […] blog activity! While I haven’t paid much attention to this place, someone sure has. The Gayest Cartoon Characters Ever continues to be the most read post I’ve written so far and I keep getting new comments on it […]

  22. Hello,
    I am writing a book to teach English to young learners and I would like to use the buggs bunny picture you posted above in my book. Where can I get the permission to use it. Who keeps the rights on the picture? I will really appreciate your help.

    Thanks for stopping by! Honestly, I just Googled “Bugs Bunny” and that was the first thing that popped up. Here’s the link to the site where I borrowed it:

    http://pictures-of-cartoon.blogspot.com/2006_08_01_archive.html

    Hope that helps. Maybe you can get in touch it the folks that run that site and get some answers. Good luck with the book and feel free to comment anytime. I think it’s groovy what you’re doing there.

  23. Also late, but I think that, if you do a part two, you should include Squidward from Spongebob Squarepants. No, not the talking cheese himself… Squidward. His extreme vanity and adoration of everything related to the arts is just flaming. As much as I hate the post-movie episodes, the one where Squidward is “handsome” is a pretty clear indication as well.

  24. Sunshine Says:

    I love it! Observations are undeniable!

    SN: Ernie and Bert slept in separate beds in the same room though. They were gay as shit!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpozspIMH9E (Ernie eats cookies in bed)

    Oh, no doubt. Thanks for the link and thanks for stopping by. Keep checking back because I think I’m going to write a Part 2 soon

  25. Stuff me! I’m innocently looking for reference images of that pussy Big Bird when I find myself here. The title intrigued me a little so I thought I’d read a line or two.
    I ended up devouring the whole thing. You, my friend, are a genius! Your points are well made and your writing style is delicious. What’s more, you made me think. I never suspected Bugs for a second, but hey, facts is facts! He DID kiss a lot of guys! And boy, could he drag it up, but importantly, always with impeccable taste! And, as you point out, he knowed every part by heart!

    Great Stuff dude, and as another gay character once said (we first meet him nude in a biker bar!!!)

    “I’ll be back!”
    Keep on

    Really glad you enjoyed it! Sorry it took me so long to reply. I’ve been terribly neglectful of the blog lately, but trying to catch up now. I’m planning on a Part 2 to the article, as there is no shortage of “fancy” characters out there, so keep your eyes peeled.

  26. Sabrina Harrum Says:

    Austin from backyardigans just by looking at him you can obviously tell that hes gay or Tyrone and Pablo, they are always together in some episode, i knew that the three were gay for a long time

    That’s another one I’ll have to take a close look at. More and more, I’m thinking a Part 2 to this needs to be written. I gotta get on that…Watch this space. I’m thinking that’s going to happen pretty soon.

  27. I haven’t laughted so much in ages. Never really thought about the sexuality of cartoon characters, but after reading this I will.

    Nice to know I could be of service. Like I’ve been saying in the other comments, I think maybe my next post (which might be in a couple of weeks) will be Part 2 of this. I left out a lot of characters, and just focused on the more obvious ones. But, we’ll explore this a little bit more. I think there’s a lot more to be said on the subject. Keep checking back!

  28. at the end of some family guy episode, stewie learns what gay means and comments “i could really get into that”

    Yeah, there have been quite a few allusions here and there that he was a little light in the loafers.

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  31. Stephanus Says:

    Let us not forget the gophers in the Warner Brothers cartoons.

  32. I’m pretty sure everyone here who watches Family Guy knew that Stewie is gay. 😛 Lol, but funny list. Good job!

  33. CoolKat Says:

    where is spongebob. but funny list.

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