The First Annual Deejie Awards!

First off, before we do anything here, a bit of housecleaning. Once again, it’s been a good while between posts here and I just replied to a slew of comments on the last post, so head over there before reading any further if you like, and you may be the lucky recipient of my attention! I know I must come off sometimes like an absentee dad who breezes into town once every few months and tries to make up for not being around by giving a few presents, but I promise I really do care. Just because things didn’t work out between me and your mother, it doesn’t mean I still don’t love you.

You back? Good. Took you long enough. Right, well I’ve got an extra special treat for you tonight kids. You see, something quite epic occurred just a little over a year ago. On May 7th, 2008, yours truly caved into all the peer pressure and, partly inspired by the insane scribblings by that guy that runs that other site we all know and love, and partly in a desperate attempt to sit at the cool kids table, went off and got myself WordPressed. Yep, this month marks the 1 Year Anniversary of DJ D’s Great and Secret Show.

I was going to actually do this hoopla on the 7th of this month to make it extra special, but you know how it is. I think I was out of town at the time or something anyway. But, as of this writing, it’s Sunday evening, May 31st, it’s still technically May. Close enough. I have no problem having annual blog post celebrations join horseshoes and hand grenades in that heap of things in which “almost” only counts.

That was possibly the most effed up sentence I’ve ever typed in a year of doing this.

Ok, let’s get on with it. I’m thinking the best way to start the celebrations is to take a little trip down memory lane. Alright, buddy system everybody. You guys paired up? Good. Let’s go. We’re going to revisit the first ever post I wrote. It was right here.

First off, I had to come up with a name for this thing. One of my biggest obsession in life is Clive Barker, and my favorite novel of all time is The Great and Secret Show, so there you go. Thanks Clive. Hope you don’t mind.

Anyway, about that first post…I’m going to skip over the Ms. Pac-Man mug and He-Man dinner tray. Nothing much to say about them really. They’re still around and getting used frequently. But the other item…

The Girl Scout Thin Mints. It’s been a year now and surely they must be digested, expelled, and fodder for a landfill by now, right? Nope…and don’t call me Shirley.

In fact, I actually never got round to eating them all. In fact, they made the move with me to my new apartment last year. In fact, they’ve been in my freezer all this time. In FACT, they’re hanging out with me as I write this right now:

still hanging

Yep, there’s that little black girl, still hanging by that rope.

Wow, I never thought I’d ever type that sentence.

In celebration, I am now going to open the box and eat a couple of these year-old Thin Mints. Gimme a sec and I’ll let you know how they are…

Holy crap, I’ve still got half a box in here! They came packaged in 2 silver foil tubes inside the box. One was empty but the other hadn’t even been opened yet. And I gotta say, these things are still delicious. They’ve got a pretty impressive shelf freezer life. Who knew?

In case you’re wondering, that thing perched on top of my monitor is my Beanie Baby Bat. His name is Batty. And he is my friend.

So, where are we now? Well, a year on, and I’ve geeked out over all things Batman, made a few design changes, made quite a few friends, expanded the audience of my radio show, and apparently have garnered quite a bit of attention from the web surfing community. Here’s a rundown of recent stats:

From the first day of this blog all the way up till January. of this year, readership stayed at a steady average of around 250 views per month, with one unusual blip in July of last year when it hit 739. I assume that has something to do with a certain movie that came out last summer having to do with a certain nocturnal vigilante that we all know is near and dear to my black little heart. But, aside from that anomaly, it never got above about 275.

Then, in February it all changed. Out of nowhere, it skyrocketed to 4,672! March…6,739!…then peaked in April with a whopping 6,924 views! You’d think Matt C. himself stepped in for a cameo writing gig.

Looking at search terms, turns out that mentioning Bugs Bunny in a list of gay cartoon characters does a lot for your viewership. On April 2nd, I got 284 views on this post alone, and it continues to be the most viewed out of everything I’ve written. Guess I gotta try to top that now.

There’s a been a slight dip for May, but I’m still riding high at 5,795 for the month. And since that’s over 10 times the number of people who viewed the blog when I first started it, I’m not complaining.

As of today, as we celebrate the anniversary of this thing, I’ve gotten exactly 300 comments EVEN. Thanks for sticking around and chiming in. My OCD side also wants to thank you for making 300 such a nice round number for the anniversary celebration. We appreciate that kind of thing around here.

Total views so far, since the first day the blog existed: 27,211

Wow.

So, it’s time I start giving back. I know I haven’t been around that much lately and have kind of ignored you guys, but I figure what better way to celebrate, than to give you something to put on your mantle piece and brag about, so I now cordially invite you to…

The First Annual Deejie Awards!

Welcome to the ceremony. Everyone please take your seats…all 17 or so of you. I hope you like what we’ve done with the place. I’ve made some changes up top as you can see.

All of you ladies looked lovely in your evening gowns as you strolled down the black carpet. Thanks for getting all tarted up for this. Guise, I see you decided to go with the bunny ears tonight. Good choice. JoshC brought his guitar….aaaaaand it looks like DC started celebrating early. That’s ok. We’ll just uh, clean that up later. Designated drivers will be provided.

So, without further ado-dee-doo, let’s get this thing started. May I have the first envelope please…

For the first award tonight, the category is Best Blog You’re Not Reading. And the Deejie goes to…

Amy! If the number of comments are a judge of how many people actually read your blog (and I don’t necessarily think it is), then it’s a sad fact that Amy’s just not getting the recognition she deserves. I was bummed to find that she closed up shop back in January, but thankfully came back. Maybe she just needs more PR. Hopefully I can help. If you’re a fan of looking at the world through the eyes of a smart, creative chick who’s an engaging writer and happens to like dodgy corn (I’m hooked already), then you should check it out.

Next up we have the Thanks For All The Memories award. And the Deejie goes to…

Annette! Let’s face it. If you’re not a fan of nostalgia then you wouldn’t be here, and I’ll be the first to admit I’m stuck in 1985 and going nowhere fast. It’s for that reason that I really look forward to checking in on one of the coolest Nostalgia Junkies out there. From trips to the thrift store, to lamenting on her failure to secure a Star Trek glass (I got the Spock one the other day, btw–neener, neener, neener), it’s a really cool spot to get your fix of 80’s and 90’s pop culture whenever there’s a dry spell at any of of your other favorite blogs.

Next up, is the You Don’t Bring Me Flowers Anymore award. Envelope please…and the Deejie goes to…

Bill! I’ll just say it. The Veggie Macabre is hands down one of my favorite things on the internet. It just is. When I first started doing this, I was hoping to one day come up with something that people looked forward to reading near as much as I look forward to reading what Bill manages to come up with on a regular basis. If he just wrote the “Where Did You Go?” posts alone, I’d show up for it. It didn’t take me long to join his growing army of fans (that are admittedly mostly female–ladies love the VM). But, not too long ago he traded in his necktie for a fireman’s uniform (further increasing his effortless coolness), and scaled back his online activities somewhat, including commenting around here. I’m the worst at procrastinating and not keeping up with my blog reading or writing, so I don’t blame him at all, but I guess I just wanted to say the blogging universe is a better place with him in it and he has been missed.

Hope you guys are enjoying the ceremony so far. On to the next award. It’s called The Greenhorn Award and goes to…

bluesuit12! I honestly don’t know her that well and don’t know that much about her aside from the fact that chick likes to travel. She’s all over the place, and looks like she’s a lot of fun and possibly a little touched in the head. All I know is she showed up commenting here out of the blue not to long ago and she’s a cool chick. And not exactly too hard on the eyes either. Hellooo, nurse!

Next envelope please. The next award is the First One To Arrive, Last One To Leave award. It goes to…

Dan! The reason for the award is that the dude’s just always there. He’s usually the first to make a point of reading, the first to comment, and the first that I know I can call at any hour of the day if I’m bored while I’m driving and just want to chat. He and his wife are good people and for that, I say thanks.

Next up, the Patience Is A Virtue award. Goes to…

DC! Another groovy chick who I can always count on for good conversation. She gets this award because she’s been incredibly patient in waiting for a gift I promised her last Halloween but haven’t gotten round to making yet. Also, we’re all patiently waiting for her return to writing. Looks like I’ll have to get on it and give her something to write about.

Next up is the Big Eyes And Action Lines award and it goes to…

Dio! A badass artist and all around groovy chick who’s way into anime and cosplay. I don’t know much about either one of those things, but I know that her Deviant Art account makes me want to pick up my pencil and work harder.

Next envelope please…Ah yes, this is a sort of special one. It’s the Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder award…and it goes to…

dohopoki! I’d like to accept this award on his behalf, as he has been MIA for quite some time and is greatly missed. Any word of his whereabouts or condition would be greatly appreciated.

Moving on to the Excellence In Consistancy award. This one goes to…

FungusMungus! You can always count on Mungus for a great deal of content. Whether it be sharing anecdotes of his home life or leaving you entire short stories as comments, he is consistently entertaining and genuine.

Next up, we have the Great Minds Think Alike award. Envelope please…Thank you…And it’s…

Galileo! he gets this one because it seems no matter what he’s talking about, from movie reviews, to his view on the Joker in The Dark Knight, our opinions are almost always the same. It’s almost creepy.

Next up, a very special award. It’s the first one of the International category and is the London Calling award. It goes to…

Guise! It’s really cool to have a new friend from across the pond. I went to school there many years ago and not a day has gone by since I returned that I haven’t dreamed of going back. It’s nice to have a reminder of “my other home”, even if he does talk funny and use too many “u”‘s in conversation. Oh, and his blog is one of the funniest, engaging, and most perverse things you’ll ever read.

Next up, the Less Is More award. Goes to…

Hazard! He’s the master of saying a lot by saying a little. He’s been somewhat of a regular around here, and while I tend to be a little on the long-winded side, he does a great job of summing up a movie review in a couple of paragraphs, and it’s always entertaining. Me, I’ll ramble on for days…

Speaking of which, we’re almost done, folks. Hang in there. I’m saving the best for last. But for now, it’s time for the It’s About Dang Time award. Congrats…

jazzy! Why is she getting this award? Because it’s about dang time she started writing again. I randomly stumbled across her blog last year while at work and sat in the corner quietly shaking with the church giggles as I read her assessment of Babysitter Club books. I knew nothing about The Babysitter Club until then but I sat there laughing my stupid head off all to myself. I anxiously awaited the next thing she would write. She shot off a few more slowly over the next couple of months, and then…nothing. But, it looks like she’s back in the swing of things now and possibly churning out some regular stuff. If you haven’t checked it out, I highly recommend it. Start with the Babysitters Club thing, and work your way up. It’s hilarious.

Alright, it’s time again for another award in the International category. It’s the Best Thing To Come Out Of Canada Since Bacon award and it goes to…

JoshC! Here’s another one that kind of disappeared a little, but that’s alright cause he and his band are busy doing the devil’s work. He plays in a punk band, knows his horror movies, and I know I can count on him when the inevitable zombie apocalypse comes. And for that, I’m willing to let it slide that his people stuck us with Alanis Morissette.

Right on. Next envelope please. The next award is the Excellence In General Badassery award and goes to…

kittymao! Aside from the fact that her name has the phrase “my ass off” in it, she gets this award because she knows her heavy metal, she likes Star Trek, and her dog is cooler than your dog. That’s all you need to know.

Here’s one I’ve been looking forward to. What do you get when you put My Little Ponies, candy, video games, and maypoles all in a blender? It’s the Ponies And Perversions award and it goes to…

Mystie! Often described as X-Entertainment’s little sister, Crown Combo is one of the coolest things on the intertubes. And if you disagree, we can settle this outside right now. When she’s not busy taking creepy stalker pics of Mennonites, Mystie can be found expounding on the virtues of the latest specialty M&M’s and hanging out with YouTube celebrities. She’s an all around cool chick, and has the uncanny ability to call me every foul name under the book and I can’t imagine ever getting mad at her. Mystie, I’ll be your slut anytime.

I was looking forward to this one too. This next award winner not only is one of the funniest people I’ve ever had the fun of rambling on with in the wee hours of the morning, but she can cook your ass under the table. The winner of the Best Blog Post Name Ever award goes to…

squee4242! She’s a gambler, a gangster of love, a little bit of a nerd, and has an encyclopedic knowledge of Lost. But why is she here? Cause she managed to come up with what I thought was the best title for a blog post I’ve ever seen. Of course, you have to know what it’s about to get the joke, so take a minute to check it out. I present to you…Bitches Be Trifilin’.

Well, thanks for sticking with us this far kids. We’ve now come to the part of the show you’ve all be waiting for. The big one. It’s the Lifetime Achievement Award and it goes to…

X-Entertainment! I don’t think I can say anything here that hasn’t been said already. Without it, I, and most of the people reading this, wouldn’t be here. I never had any desire to write a blog at all until I discovered X-E and now I can’t imagine a day without checking in for an update. I spend a lot of time reliving my childhood on my own, and X-E has managed to turn it into an art form with a heavy dose of sarcasm and originality. It’s taught us that little boys can design He-Man characters, chicken and Doritos have no place in the same bag, there is such a thing as giant ape juice (although I still don’t have a clue what it is), and Kool-Aid can be more even more exciting than you remember. It’s given us Advent calendar conspiracies, Megaparties, and Halloween Countdowns. If not for X-E, I wouldn’t know that James Lipton can shoot fire from his hands, Mare Winningham is a raging bitch, and that you can actually make friends with people online who aren’t all flakes, weirdos, stalkers, and shut-ins. Although, I still have my reservations about some of you.

So, thank you Matt. I know you’ll probably never read this, but as long as you’re writing, I’m reading.

So that’s our show, folks! Hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for showing up. You can pick up your gift bags on the way out. Enjoy your Deejies, and feel free to leave your acceptance speeches in the comments section below.

Good night!

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23 Responses to “The First Annual Deejie Awards!”

  1. These award shows are all farces (although I am honored to get one). I got snubbed for the “Less is More” award. In 10 Words (my second, spin-off blog) sums up things in Ten words!

    • Hey, there’s no explaining how the Academy works when they’re selecting these things. Whispered rumors float through darkened hallways that warn of arcane practices not dared attempted for centuries…ritualistic orgies of carnal blasphemy…blood sacrifices…and murmurs of ancient languages long thought dead. One dare not venture into the secret catacombs where these edicts are handed down, lest ye never return, or if you may be unlucky enough to, you are filled with visions more horrific and maddening than the nightmares of Hell itself.

      In short, be thankful for what you got.

  2. *blink* Awwww, Deej, you’re the best! ^///////^

    Ok, I promise to start writing in my proper blog. Promise. Now if only I could find stuff to >write< about.

    • Oh, I try. I’m sure you’ll find some inspiration somewhere. I suggest something out of your comfort zone…something creepy perhaps…

  3. Damn! I get the first one in last one out award and someone (2 someones actually) beat me to the first comment!! Oh well, I’ll write my acceptance speech and come back with it!

    • Hurry up with that acceptance speech, already! The band’s playing you off!

      Dang prima donnas. There’s one at every show.

  4. Wow, I’m touched (and not just in the head) that you would give me an award. Sweet, I’ve won something in life.

    • You’re always a winner in our eyes, here at The Great and Secret Show. Although we are concerned that you’re not monitoring your medication quite the way you should. It’s nice that you’ve managed to get some weekend passes and they’re letting you out more now though. That shows some real progress toward stability and being able to function in society.

  5. I don’t know what to say except that this touches me a lot more than it probably should. (No, not THAT kind of touch…get your mind out of the gutter!)

    And wow, congrats on all the pageviews, man. If I got 5,000 views in a month, I think I’d keel over.

    • Yeah, I never thought I’d ever get that many. Thanks for checking in from time to time. You’re doing your part. I’ll try to return the favor over at your place.

  6. I’ll place my Deejie on the shelf between the Micro Machines Millenium Falcon and the replica 60’s TV show Batmobile.

    The Xmas lights on it are a bit gaudy, and the button that plays “In a Gadda da Vida” when pushed is way over the top. But the kids can’t reach it up there, so it should be all right.

    UPDATE: Youngest son climbed up on oldest son’s shoulders and grabbed my Deejie!! They keep shaking it in the dog’s face and making him growl. I got it back up on the shelf, but the dog is sitting on the floor in front of it… watching it like it’s possessed.

    So far this thing has caused naught but chaos in the Mungus house. I’m beginning to wonder…

    2nd UPDATE: I went to bed, same as always – 8:15pm, with a glass of warm clam juice and a pastrami sandwich. Woke up this morning wedged under my wife’s car in the driveway: Deejie in one hand and a dead possum in the other. There’s fur on my lips I cannot account for. This award is consuming my thoughts with visions of blood. And I am thirsty… so thirsty.

    3rd UPDATE: My wife and family woke up to find me naked in the living room having written “Drink the drank drunk” all over the walls in multiple fonts and sizes in rodent blood. Although the memory has faded, she has shown me photos of myself with a hollowed out badger placed face forward on my head, entrails and blood dripping down my brow. She wrestled the Deejie from my grasp, ran outside and tossed it off an overpass and into speeding traffic. Although we believe we are free from it’s evil influence, she is not sure that it has been destroyed. Besides the multiple lives it took when it crashed through the windshield of the dune buggy full of nuns (who proceeded to veer off the nearest cliff), the Deejie was not recovered from the wreckage.

    There are some who say, on a still night, when all is quiet you can just make out the plaintive tones of Iron Butterfly drifting up from Nun Deejie Gorge.

    May 7th is a day that will live in infamy!!

    Thanks again, Deej for the honor!

    FM

    • Ooh yeeeaaah…..Um, about that. I kind of forgot to mention something. There might be the teeeensiest possibility that the Deejies are carved from pieces of wood taken from a post that was used to burn a witch in Salem a few hundred years ago. Yeeeah, I’m pretty sure it’s no big deal, but there’s this whole legend that she uttered some curses or some such just before she died and disappeared in a ball of flames, and the wood may or may not have not been soaked with her blood. I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about though (*laughing nervously*).

      Seriously (ahem), I uh…I can put you in touch with a good priest if you need it. I hear he does good work.

  7. Wowza! I got an award! I feel so honored. And it’s well deserved since I have been so patient. But, then again, you didn’t clarify which Halloween I would be getting my gift. So, all I can do is wait. (sigh)

    As for me blogging again…that ship has sailed my friend. I don’t see myself doing the blog thing again. It was fun while it lasted but, I just don’t have the energy to keep at it. I will leave the blog up for a while so I can look back at it and reminisce on the good old days. I’m barely online anymore. I don’t think I’ve turned my laptop on for weeks now! But, you know how to reach me. Like when you’re driving around and you need a little west coast chi chat. I’ll try to be drunk next time you call so you can be entertained! 🙂

    So, again, thanks for my Deejie! I’d like to thank the rest of the bloggers out there who were around when I was still blogging. Sorry I haven’t been by to comment on everyone’s blogs but, give me an award and maybe I will! 😉

    • She came. She saw. She blogged. But the fame and the limelight got too much to her and she faded away.

      Looking forward to the next drunk dial…no matter who’s doing the dialing and who’s doing the drunking.

  8. kittymao Says:

    wow.
    I don’t actually think anyone has ever called me a badass in my life.
    Thanks, man.

    You’re pretty gnarly in your own right- you have a RADIO SHOW!

    I will attempt to keep the badassery on the up-and-up, and intermittently barrage the readers with Dog pictures.

  9. Boo Ya!

    That is all.

  10. you can actually make friends with people online who aren’t all flakes, weirdos, stalkers, and shut-ins.

    this. and i am so glad.

    even though i missed my award presentation by a week ( i was in the bathroom ), i’m glad i didn’t see it till today. you’ve totally made my crappy day, and that’s saying a lot.

    • Glad I could be of service. You just barely made it back in time though. I was just about to pawn yours off on DC. She sort of dropped hers.

      Ok, can somebody get DC’s keys and make sure she doesn’t drive home? I swear…lovely girl, but this is getting out of hand.

  11. I am so honored not only by this award but the fact that it is my favorite Rolling Stones song next to Monkey Man.

    You are so right. I need to give more of my fellow bloggers love. I usually read you and others via iPhone and it can be a real pain to leave comments with it. But excuses excuses.

    Seriously, I’m touched my friend. When I am out east again we are so hanging out. Beers on me and I’ll bring TCM one and two. Deal?

  12. […] already. Unless that someone is a professor.) You should go check out his blog, and all the other awesome people he gave awards to, most of whom will definitely be on my blogroll just as soon as I finally get […]

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