Celebrating Halloween early late: Jones Soda

You know what the best thing about Target is? You might be thinking it’s the Halloween sales. Nope. It’s the after Halloween sales. Last year, I racked up. Fifty percent off here. Seventy-five off there. I kept saying I was going to write a blog post about the haul I got, but never got round to it. Well, here we are. It’s now or never. I wait much longer, and I’ll have another haul of Halloween goodness backed up. Besides, I gotta get a jump on it before Bill gets jacked up on soda and beer in a few weeks and starts carving up stuff. So let this officially usher in DJ D’s Halloween Celebration!

Last year I snagged 3 4-packs of Jones Soda in 3 different Halloween flavors. I’ve honestly never even tasted Jones Soda before, but thanks to X-E, I’m now at least familiar with it. So, while Matt’s out hiking in the Appalachian trail or wherever the hell he is, I’m gonna do my part to bring a little darkness into all of our lives. Tis the season. So, I present to you, utilizing 3 cans of soda that have been sitting in the back of my fridge for a year, waiting for just this moment…

The Halloween Jones Soda Taste Test!

Jones

1) First up, Candy Corn!

Candy Corn

As you can see, I’m utilizing my trusty Batman glass mug. I got this sumbitch at The Heroes Con in Charlotte last year and surprisingly haven’t used it that much. I kind of save it for special occasions. And by special, I mean doing silly things to novelty sodas.

The first thing I notice here is the smell. As soon as I turn the mug up and stick my face in it to get my first taste, I’m assaulted with the smell of some INTENSE vanilla. And now the taste test…

That, ahem, tastes absolutely nothing like candy corn. And I like candy corn. This filth tastes like a combination of old vanilla flavoring and what I can only imagine is what happens when the werewolf on the can burps in your face while shoving a Werther’s Original down your throat. Funnily enough, a quick scan of the ingredients tells us that vanilla flavoring isn’t even an ingredient. Could have fooled me. This is proof that werewolves + candy corn don’t always = success. Unless this is actually some secret formula concocted in Lon Chaney’s basement that will result in me actually turning into a werewolf, I want nothing else to do with it.

Hey, speaking of werewolves, you know what I’m jazzed about? This!

Quick rant on it though. They got Rick Baker to do the sfx. Rick-An American Werewolf in London-Baker. One of the biggest sfx geniuses to ever walk this earth, and the master of werewolf effects. But what do they do? Cover a big chunk of his work up with cgi. It’s fucking sacrilege, dammit! That’s like getting Rembrandt to do a painting for you, and saying, “You know what, this is great and all, but I think it could use some Photoshop. You don’t mind, do you?” I’m not saying that cgi werewolf transformations are always bad but…no, you know what, that IS what I’m saying. With the exception of some of the stuff in the Underworld movies, I’ve yet to see one that didn’t look like a ridiculously shitty cartoon that was far inferior in realism to anything that was done in American Werewolf and The Howling, both of which came out OVER 20 YEARS AGO. I’ve been a huge gorehound since I was a kid. When I was in high school I even sent off for admission information to the Joe Blasco School of Makeup Effects in Florida. I gave some serious consideration to going into makeup effects and prosthetics as a living. I would make my own werewolf makeup and appliances for Halloween when I was a little kid and Rick Baker was one of my heroes. I’m of the school that if it can be done practically, it should. Unfortunately, shitty, low budget cgi has really hurt the art form in the last decade or so.

I’m still looking forward to it though. Of all the classic Universal monsters, werewolves have always been my favorite. I know vampires are supposed to be the coolest, but fuck that. Cool? Yes. No doubt. But scary? No way. And in my heart and house, scary trumps cool every time.

2) Next up, Spooookiwi!

Spooookiwi

First off, the color of it is actually much more green than what you’re getting in the picture. It actually looks something like a cross between Sierra Mist and antifreeze. Ok, let’s go. The smell is a LOT nicer. Really fruity. The taste…SCORE! I think we have a winner, folks! Yeah, this is good stuff. I’m sipping in between sentences here. It does taste like kiwi, but also kind of tastes like any green citrusy soda in the Sierra Mist vein. I’m digging it. Oh, btw, the name actually does have 4 “o”s in it. I wasn’t embellishing for effect there. Although, I think Frankiwi would have been better. I’ll let it slide. That candy corn crap didn’t have a fancy pun name, so I’m not asking for one here.

3) Lastly, the big finale…Buried Pomegranate!

Buried Pomegranate

Oddly, this is my favorite name of the three. Spooookiwi’s cool and all, but they put some thought into Buried Pomegranate. This shit is from the grave. In keeping with the classic Universal Monsters tradition (enforced in badass manner by The Monster Squad), Dracula is the leader of the gang here. The pic once again isn’t a good representation of the actual color of the stuff. It looks kind of brown here, but it’s actually more of a pinkish-purplish hue. I was hoping for something more along the lines of a deep blood red, but I’ll take this.

I’m particularly looking forward to this one because this will officially be my first exposure to pomegranate. Granted, it’s actually “real and artificial flavors”, but that’s good enough for me. I’ve never eaten a pomegranate, never drank a pomegranate soda (Can somebody seriously hook a brother up with some Pom 7Up? They don’t distribute it down here)…in fact this is the first time I’ve ever laid eyes on anything of the pomegranate persuasion. So, without further ado, I’m going to break my pom cherry…sort of.

Smells really nice. Really fruity. Woah! I got dizzy there! I’m not joking. That shit is strong! It actually reminds me a little of Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash, but it’s got this other kick to it, like this weird biting aftertaste. Interesting. I really want some Pom 7Up now. I can see that being great for Christmas.

So, that’s that. The verdict? Spooookiwi wins by a neck bolt. Ironic, since he’s my least favorite of these 3 monsters. Now, if there was a zombie one, that would be something. Grape From the Grave!

I’m off now to throw up 24 oz of sugar, fructose corn syrup, and artificial flavors. The things I do for you people…

Advertisements

16 Responses to “Celebrating Halloween early late: Jones Soda”

  1. Lord. I love this. I pretty much dislike super sweet sodas, but I am feeling so ready for fall right now that I want them anyhow. The leaves will change in less than a month…here in the frigid north anyhow. CANNOT WAIT!!

    I wish that’s how it was here. September to January is my favorite time of the year. Fall weather, Halloween, my birthday, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, all in that order. It’s still over 90 degrees every day here. I’ll take frigid north over this any day of the week.

  2. Didn’t they also bring back Grape soda last year for some reason, too? I remember seeing it. And I thought that the Candy Corn soda tasted like carbonated maple syrup.

    They may have. I just got one of every flavor that they had at the Target I went to. Grape would have been great though.

  3. Man I love Target. I’ve never heard of these Halloween Jones Soda drinks before but the candy corn sounds absolutely vile (I don’t like actual candy corn either though). I’m getting a little excited for fall this year which may be a first – I usually prefer the sun and hot weather.

    Since all of these were actually left over from last year, I’m going to have to check out the ones they have this year and see if there are any other flavors that I didn’t cover this time. Maybe I’ll have to do a Part 2 to this post. I actually really like candy corn, but that crap tasted nothing like it. I’m way excited about fall this year. I’ve had too many 95 degree summers in SC. It varies from around 89-98 every singe day during the summers here, from like April-October. Not to mention humidity that’s through the roof. I think I’m going to end up settling down in some place where there’s loads of snow and rain. That would be nice.

  4. Yeah I’m ready for Fall too, I’m tired of the hot weather. Provided my move from Hell ever ends I may actually head up to the mountains and check out the leaves, they’re already changing colors here.

    Regarding the sodas though, candy corn should not be a soda flavor!! The stuff is nasty enough as a “candy” it does not belong in the carbonated realm!! The other two sound semi-tasty though!

    And I feel your pain in not having tasted the Pom 7-Up Deej. Cranberry Splash I can get year around but I have yet to find the elusive Pom 7-Up.

    I guess I’m in the minority of people that actually like candy corn. I haven’t seen any color changing here yet. It won’t happen for at least another month, but when it does it’s really cool. I’m from the upstate near the mountains, and when I go back home to visit my family the scenery is really nice up there. Cranberry Splash shows up here only during the holiday season (I haven’t seen any yet), but I actually got so hooked on Mountain Dew Supernova last year that I’d trade all the Cranberry Splash in the world for another can of that stuff. Too bad it’s long gone.

  5. I LOVE CANDY CORN SODA!
    I stash that shit by the four-pack and it lasts me until Valentines day.

    And as soon as Pom 7up shows, I will get you some.
    It is HEAVENLY.
    Spike it with some vodka and it’s a classy ass martini, yo.

    I keep forgettign how close halloween is. It’s blistering hot here, and I haven’t seen any halloween stuff yet. But now that I think about it, doesn’t Spirit Open on September 1st?

    Oo.

    I will SO trade you all the Candy Corn soda I have left if you’ll send me some Pom 7Up. Seriously. I just hope you don’t mind that it’s a year old.

    I saw a billboard today for the local Halloween Express. It opens by the mall every year. I think it’s opened as of today, so yeah, it’s officially the season!

  6. That was awesome! I didn’t partake in last years Holiday soda review but I am aiming for a Thanksgiving/Christmas Jones taste test like Matt used to do. A couple of years ago I saw a Jones Soda Holiday pie soda pack. I am kicking myself over not buying that when I had the chance. I believe I have a picture to prove it somewhere in this computer.

    Great review and I pray Spoookiwi is out for this year.

    Thanks! I was inspired by taste tests past done by you and Matt. You should totally do the pie thing this year if you can find one. I’d like to see that done. I hope there are some different Halloween flavors this year so I can do a sequel to this one. I’ll just leave the Thanksgiving/Christmas ones to the experts.

    I’ve got one Spooookiwi left (had one with lunch today), and one Buried Pomegranate.

    I guess the other 2 Candy Corns are going to kittymao. Seriously, kittymao, if you want them, you’re more that welcome to get this filth out of my house. Drop me a line through AIM at: DarkEntries DJ D

  7. Aw, I am sooo ready for all of this stuff! Best part of the year, even though I don’t think it even hit 90 up here this summer (very strange).

    You lucky idiot. It was AT LEAST 90 here every day this summer. I’m so sick of it. It has been a little cooler the past week though. I think the good weather is slowly starting to creep in. It’ll be at least another month before it’s properly cool here, but I’ll take whatever I can get at this point.

    I got screwed out of last fall, so I am livin it up this time!

    Yeah, you and me both. I had just gotten laid off when last fall hit so I had no money to put into Halloween decorations or Christmas presents or anything. I’m determined to make this year different.

  8. I’ve only tried the pomegrante one of these but it was too sweet for me. I still have the other three in my closet.

    I’ve got my Halloween decorations ready. If I only had a cool drawing…

    Nice! I’ll start my shopping pretty soon. Yeah, I guess I better get on that. Believe it or not, progress has been made. Slowly…but it has been made.

    BTW, thanks for all the text support during my rough times the last few weeks. I know you’ve been through it so you understand. I appreciate even the random ‘funny face’ pic to make me laugh.

    Anytime, anytime. It’s always nice to chat with you, even if what we’re chatting about isn’t so nice.

    I’m sure I could go funnier than that. Watch your phone. I might take that as a challenge. Don’t worry. I’ll make it SFW….probably.

    Now, I’m headed home to take a nap before I go get some drinks later.

    Don’t hurt yourself.

    • can i believe my eyes, or are you just a really good DC impersonator?

      • Yep, it really is me. Deej is just good at texting me and letting me know when a new blog post is up so I get a chance to read it. I haven’t been online much lately and I’ve had a lot going on the last few weeks.

  9. Ooh, dood. I don’t use aim. sorry… uhm.
    But gods, I do want that soda.
    I just had some in june (BIL’s Girlfriend gave me some, bless her heart! so I don’t think soda being old can kill me unless it’s… say, rotting through the can.
    or if it’s got a dead frog in it.

    anyway.
    I think I have your email in my blog records, I will email you.

    Yeah, I’ve got yours too now that I think about it. It’s in my Dashboard thing in the comments section.

  10. velouria_78 Says:

    I tried the candy corn soda last year and it was pretty gnarly. Way too sweet. But I loved that it was a totally unnatural shade of yellow and the cans were cute. I think I gave them to my goddaughter after they had served their decorating purposes.

    And, also, sweet Batman mug from Heroes! A little group of us go every year. I got this last year

    Next year, you must find me there and we can walk around for a bit and purchase Batman glassware together.

    Groovy! Yeah, I think I like yours a little better. I was looking for something a little more along those lines. Reminds me of an old t-shirt I used to have. Yeah, we’ll have to see if we can meet up for a bit next year. If so it would be my first X-E live action meet-up. That’s a little scary, actually.

  11. Tried all of them last year, the kiwi one was interesting, the candy corn was way too sweet.

    They were improved when mixed with something and turned into “Halloween Cocktails.”

    It didn’t even occur to me to mix anything with them. That would be nice though. I might have to give that a go.

  12. Hey DJ D! Lemme know if you can’t find any pomegranate 7-Up and I’ll find you some here– I lucked out last year, we had it well into April. I was digging quarters out of my couch to get my fix.

    Do you guys just not get actual pomegranate fruit in your area? If so, try one! They’re tart, but delicious! I also recommend the Pom Wonderful pomegranate juices. Tasty and good for you! If you don’t get the fruit, again, et me know and Ill mail you one; pomegranates must be enjoyed!

    No, we get the fruit here. Apparently there’s a pomegranate tree/bush/whatever in my backyard actually, but I haven’t seen it. My landlord mentioned it to me the other day but I wouldn’t recognize it if I saw one. They just don’t distribute the soda down here at all so I’ve never gotten to drink it. Never even laid eyes on it. Apparently kittymao’s sending me some, but if you feel the need and have nothing better to do, that would be groovy too. I just want to see what all the hubbub’s about. Thanks for stopping by and don’t be a stranger!

    …Being strange is perfectly fine though, and encouraged.

  13. Where did u get that batman mug?

    I got it last year at the Heroes Aren’t Hard to Find comic book convention in Charlotte. I go to it every June. It was the last thing I bought. Kind of a last minute whim purchase. If you’ve read much of this blog, you’ll know that I’m a total Batman fanatic, and I like mugs too, so when I saw that I had to have it. Thanks for reading, btw. I’m planning on writing another post sometime in the next couple of weeks as soon as I get regular internet access up and running again my house. Keep checking. Something should be up soon.

  14. Put a picture of Mark Renninger on the label of Candy Corn Soda in his memory. He is a distant cousin of the inventor of Candy Corn, George Renninger.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: