Archive for January, 2011

Don’t Be That Guy

Posted in Uncategorized on January 31, 2011 by DJ D

There’s something I wanted to talk about tonight. Consider this to be a public service announcement. I’ve been to a lot of concerts over the years and there’s one thing that I’ve noticed. No matter where I sit or stand at a show, NO MATTER WHERE, at every show there’s that one guy. You know who he is. You’ve heard him. You’ve sat next to him. Maybe you are him. I’m going to go ahead and give you the benefit of the doubt and say probably not though.

The guy I’m talking about loves that he’s at the concert. I mean LOVES it. How do we know that? Because he insists on singing 30 times louder than everyone else around him. The most recent example of this was when one of my musical dreams came true last September and I got to see The Pixies. I love The Pixies. I love them about as much as any other college DJ/admitted music snob does. It’s kind of required. But there is a certain degree of “concert etiquette” that everyone should be aware of. It’s just one of those social contract kind of things. While writing this, I did some Googling to look for pictures and came across some other blogs that tackled this subject. What I found was that there have been several blogs written that list all the different types of annoying people you’ll see at a rock concert. Most of them are pretty entertaining and bring up some that I agree with, but I only want to talk about a specific type of guy right now. The guy I’m talking about was sitting in the the same row as mine, about 3 people down. He was apparently there with his girlfriend, who he insisted on holding onto in some sort of headlock that I can only imagine had to be pretty uncomfortable for her. For the entire concert he fist pumped. He jumped up and down. He stomped his feet. And he yelled. He yelled during the songs. He yelled in between songs. He yelled before and after the show. Oh dear god did he yell. He’s that guy. He’s that guy that feels the need to scream his head off just a little bit louder than anyone else THE ENTIRE TIME. Mostly he just yelled, “Woooo!!! Pixiieeeeees! Pixiieeeeeeees! Wooooooo!!!!!” Yeah, dude. It’s the fucking Pixies. We’re all excited. We all bought the ticket. We know who we’re here to see. You wanna take it down a notch? I’m trying to listen to Kim Deal.

I mean, you would have thought that that very night he was introduced to the concept of a live rock and roll performance and it BLEW HIS MIND. I understand the idea of getting excited about seeing your favorite band, but Annoying Concert Guy is an asshat. Don’t be Annoying Concert Guy.

Of course it goes without saying that the movie theater has its own version of this. And it’s much worse. At least at concerts you’re expected to cheer and make noise. I’ve got a few pet peeves in my life: not filling up the ice trays when you put them back in the fridge, people who say, “me likey”, people mixing up “your” and “you’re” (Seriously. It’s NOT THAT HARD). But the biggest one ever, the one that will send me into a flying rage almost, is the jackass or jackasses that insist on making noise in the theater when I’m at the movies. I’ve actually known to grow the biggest pair of balls you’ve ever seen and stand up, go over to someone, and tell them to shut the fuck up right then and there in the theater. I’ve got no problem with that at all. It’s bad enough that going to the movies and eating popcorn these days costs a week’s paycheck, so after laying down a gazillion dollars for a “small” gallon sized soda and a buttered, salted, heart attack in a bag, I didn’t pay all that to listen to some inconsiderate fuckface who can’t keep their mouth shut the entire time.

A prime example of this was last weekend. I went to the movies and saw the new Nicholas Cage thing. Now you’re probably saying at this point that I deserved to be annoyed just for making the mistake of seeing a Nicholas Cage movie, but I would argue that since we’ve all collectively agreed to punish ourselves this way, let’s not make it worse by being inconsiderate and getting on one another’s nerves. As a side note, the movie was Season of the Witch and was totally ridiculous, but I mean, come on, it’s Nicholas Cage. By this point, I know going in what to expect. He’s like that one ex-girlfriend who you know is bad for you. You know by the end of the night you’ll be full of regret and wondering why you fell for it again, but you just can’t stay away.

So I went with my cousin and we go in and sit in the next to last row, way in the back. Behind us are two middle aged, rather large women who are pretty chatty. At this point the lights are still on and the previews haven’t even started up yet, so I don’t mind. My rule is I’ll let it slide all the way into the previews even, but as soon as the movie starts up, shut it. Well, straight away I can see this isn’t going to be good. At every “comedic” moment (and I’m using that term loosely), they cracked up like it was the funniest thing they’d ever heard. At the scares, they screamed, and between laughs and loud shrieks, they talked NON STOP. Much like Annoying Concert Guy, you would have thought they’d never actually been to a picture show before.

But, this time I was cool. I just leaned over to my cousin and asked him if he minded if we moved, and he was all for it. We went down a little closer to the front, and all was well.

Don’t be Movie Theater Jackass. Movie Theater Jackasses get stabbed in the throat by quiet, unassuming little guys in black t-shirts. Or at the least get yelled at by them.

R.I.P. Snow Thing

Posted in Uncategorized on January 19, 2011 by DJ D

Well, the snow’s all gone and the poor little guy has gradually sunk into an icy grave. I like to think he’s just slinking away to his lair, getting ready to go into a slumber until Hell freezes over again and he can creep up on us again whenever we get another big snow. Here are a couple of pics I took over the course of a few days after the big snow, showing his gradual decline.

You can see here the beginning of the end. This one’s my favorite. He’s still keeping one eye on you as a subtle reminder that he may disappear but he will always haunt your dreams. Or cradle you in a loving embrace–whichever way you swing.

I came out the other day and found this. Believe it or not, I didn’t touch that bucket. That’s exactly how I found it. It was like he neatly took it off his head and placed it there, ready for me to tidy up. You can see one of his eyes on the ground there. The other one was in front of it, out of the frame.

It was nice knowing you, Snow Thing. Like Dr. Frankenstein himself, I fear that my creation has ventured out into the world on his own and will return with a vengeance, demanding I make him a bride. I guess we’ll find out the next time it snows. Luckily, since it only snows around here once every 4,000 years, we won’t have to worry about that anytime soon.

All Hail Snow Thing!

Secret Santa Karma and a Snow Thing

Posted in Uncategorized on January 12, 2011 by DJ D

Hey folks, look who went off and finally got himself back online. I’ve had kind of a shakeup in the living situation since the last post. I moved and it took a while to get internet set up here at the house. I was relegated to stealing an hour of time here and there at the library or at my cousin’s house, which didn’t leave time for much blog reading, much less blog writing. I’ve got a few ideas for some really big ones though. In the meantime, here’s a little something to get the ball rolling again.

Christmas has come and gone and I hope you all had a good one. Mine was pretty great actually. I got pretty much everything I asked for, but the best present was that it snowed. Some of you seem to have a hard time wrapping your head around this, but until this year I’ve never seen a White Christmas. So yeah, it was a Festivus miracle. Otherwise, here was my haul:

–Pajama pants
–Bed sheets
–Floor mats for my car
–Candy
–Cash
–A DVD of His Name Was Jason: 30 Years of Friday the 13th

BOOKS

Knife of Dreams (Book 11 in the Wheel of Time series) by Robert Jordan. This series has taken over my life. I would recommend it to you, but I value you as friends and I know that once you got started on it, you would lock yourselves up in your houses, forsaking your jobs, schools, and family, and would lose everything you hold dear. It’s literary heroin.

Full Dark, No Stars by Stephen King

Mr. B. Gone by Clive Barker (my favorite author ever)

Serial Killers: The Method and Madness of Monsters by Peter Vronsky. I actually didn’t ask for this, but my uncle knows me well and thought I’d like it. To give you some insight into my family, as soon as my dad saw it, he asked me if he could borrow it.

But another thing I got that I didn’t mention yet was a Whitman’s Sampler. This has been a tradition for as long as I can remember between my mother and me. She gets one for me every year.

As most of you know, a Whitman’s has 2 layers. You open the box and there you have a tray of chocolates. Under that is a piece of paper followed up by another tray full of chocolates. I’ve enjoyed this little setup for years and it’s one of the best, stupid little parts of Christmas. That was until this year. After finishing up the top tray earlier today (I always start with The Messenger Boy because he’s my favorite and leave the cherry cordials and toffee pieces behind because I don’t like those), I lifted up the piece of paper for the second tray, and found this bullshit…

No second tray! Instead, a piece of cardboard shaped in order to take up the space where a second tray should be. Fuckingmonkeycuntface! What the hell is Whitman’s trying to pull!? So the Gods of Christmas giveth (White Christmas) and the Gods of Christmas taketh away (second tray). Ok, I see how it is…

But the Gods of Christmas aren’t done dicking around with me yet. This year I participated in my first X-Entertainment Secret Santa Gift Exchange. Thanks to Amy for putting the whole thing together, btw. Good job. I drew KB‘s name. I have to say, my gift may be have been one of the coolest things I’ve ever given to anyone. I put quite a bit of thought into it. If you’re not familiar with X-E, I’d recommend reading up on the Advent Calendars over there to really get a full appreciation for the gift first. And also because they will make your Christmases that much better. Or, you could just read KB’s post about it and stop wasting your time here. Go ahead. What are you waiting for?

As it says in her post, I got the present to her just a taaad late. I mean, like a week or so after Christmas. In my defense, I did have to send off for it via Cafe Press and wait for it to show up at my place first. But, I suppose I could have gotten on actually ordering it a little sooner.

Karma would strike again in retaliation for my procrastination. Teddy Ray chose my name and he was kind enough to make his gift a 2-parter. The first one arrived along with an e-mail from the sender saying that when the second part of my gift arrived, I would find out the real identity of who sent it. Well, I could have never gotten the second part at all and would have been perfectly happy, cause look at what I got!

Teddy Ray knew what the score was. As I’ve mentioned many times, my biggest obsession in life is Batman. So yeah, good job. He’s currently displayed on my desk with all my other little Batman related trinkets. But DJ D? What about that second part of the gift? I’ll tell ya what about it. Never got it. Nope. Never showed up. After a few weeks of anxiously checking my mail every day, I finally just gave up and wrote him back and told him I’d given up hope. By that point I’d pretty much already figured out who his Secret Santa identity was, so the jig was up anyway. I’ll chalk it up to Secret Santa karma, since I took so long in sending out KB’s thing.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, he said it was a box full of candy that Matt reviewed on X-E. That would have been nice, but I guess some mailman out there is munching on it right now and wondering why someone would have sent someone else such an odd assortment of candy. But if that mailman knew anything at all about the crowd that participated in this particular gift exchange, he’d know that candy ain’t nothing compared to some of the stuff that’s been swapped back and forth.

So I was saying earlier that this year gave me the first White Christmas I’d ever seen. I thought since that was the first snow I’d seen in 8 years, it was going to be at least another 5 years or so before I see anymore. Oh, but no. Because as many of you know and have experienced in the last few days, it snowed up a mothertrucker a couple of days ago. And you know something else I’ve never done? Built a snowman. So, I decided this was the year when I do something about it. So, I got out yesterday and went to work. I didn’t have a shovel to work with so I just dumped it in a big mountain using a bucket. Making this thing man-sized like in all the movies was a lot harder than it looks. I know I’m not used to this much snow and everything, but I thought at least I could attempt the classic 3-ball shape. I realized pretty soon that that just wasn’t happening, so I just made a big…thing, and sculpted it into 3 different sections. Not having a scarf or hat, I fashioned it into a man the best I could. I think what turned out looks like something straight out of Tim Burton’s The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy and Other Stories.

He has since been dubbed Snow Thing. And he will rise from his arctic tomb to rain down an icy vengance upon you all.