Secret Santa Karma and a Snow Thing

Hey folks, look who went off and finally got himself back online. I’ve had kind of a shakeup in the living situation since the last post. I moved and it took a while to get internet set up here at the house. I was relegated to stealing an hour of time here and there at the library or at my cousin’s house, which didn’t leave time for much blog reading, much less blog writing. I’ve got a few ideas for some really big ones though. In the meantime, here’s a little something to get the ball rolling again.

Christmas has come and gone and I hope you all had a good one. Mine was pretty great actually. I got pretty much everything I asked for, but the best present was that it snowed. Some of you seem to have a hard time wrapping your head around this, but until this year I’ve never seen a White Christmas. So yeah, it was a Festivus miracle. Otherwise, here was my haul:

–Pajama pants
–Bed sheets
–Floor mats for my car
–A DVD of His Name Was Jason: 30 Years of Friday the 13th


Knife of Dreams (Book 11 in the Wheel of Time series) by Robert Jordan. This series has taken over my life. I would recommend it to you, but I value you as friends and I know that once you got started on it, you would lock yourselves up in your houses, forsaking your jobs, schools, and family, and would lose everything you hold dear. It’s literary heroin.

Full Dark, No Stars by Stephen King

Mr. B. Gone by Clive Barker (my favorite author ever)

Serial Killers: The Method and Madness of Monsters by Peter Vronsky. I actually didn’t ask for this, but my uncle knows me well and thought I’d like it. To give you some insight into my family, as soon as my dad saw it, he asked me if he could borrow it.

But another thing I got that I didn’t mention yet was a Whitman’s Sampler. This has been a tradition for as long as I can remember between my mother and me. She gets one for me every year.

As most of you know, a Whitman’s has 2 layers. You open the box and there you have a tray of chocolates. Under that is a piece of paper followed up by another tray full of chocolates. I’ve enjoyed this little setup for years and it’s one of the best, stupid little parts of Christmas. That was until this year. After finishing up the top tray earlier today (I always start with The Messenger Boy because he’s my favorite and leave the cherry cordials and toffee pieces behind because I don’t like those), I lifted up the piece of paper for the second tray, and found this bullshit…

No second tray! Instead, a piece of cardboard shaped in order to take up the space where a second tray should be. Fuckingmonkeycuntface! What the hell is Whitman’s trying to pull!? So the Gods of Christmas giveth (White Christmas) and the Gods of Christmas taketh away (second tray). Ok, I see how it is…

But the Gods of Christmas aren’t done dicking around with me yet. This year I participated in my first X-Entertainment Secret Santa Gift Exchange. Thanks to Amy for putting the whole thing together, btw. Good job. I drew KB‘s name. I have to say, my gift may be have been one of the coolest things I’ve ever given to anyone. I put quite a bit of thought into it. If you’re not familiar with X-E, I’d recommend reading up on the Advent Calendars over there to really get a full appreciation for the gift first. And also because they will make your Christmases that much better. Or, you could just read KB’s post about it and stop wasting your time here. Go ahead. What are you waiting for?

As it says in her post, I got the present to her just a taaad late. I mean, like a week or so after Christmas. In my defense, I did have to send off for it via Cafe Press and wait for it to show up at my place first. But, I suppose I could have gotten on actually ordering it a little sooner.

Karma would strike again in retaliation for my procrastination. Teddy Ray chose my name and he was kind enough to make his gift a 2-parter. The first one arrived along with an e-mail from the sender saying that when the second part of my gift arrived, I would find out the real identity of who sent it. Well, I could have never gotten the second part at all and would have been perfectly happy, cause look at what I got!

Teddy Ray knew what the score was. As I’ve mentioned many times, my biggest obsession in life is Batman. So yeah, good job. He’s currently displayed on my desk with all my other little Batman related trinkets. But DJ D? What about that second part of the gift? I’ll tell ya what about it. Never got it. Nope. Never showed up. After a few weeks of anxiously checking my mail every day, I finally just gave up and wrote him back and told him I’d given up hope. By that point I’d pretty much already figured out who his Secret Santa identity was, so the jig was up anyway. I’ll chalk it up to Secret Santa karma, since I took so long in sending out KB’s thing.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, he said it was a box full of candy that Matt reviewed on X-E. That would have been nice, but I guess some mailman out there is munching on it right now and wondering why someone would have sent someone else such an odd assortment of candy. But if that mailman knew anything at all about the crowd that participated in this particular gift exchange, he’d know that candy ain’t nothing compared to some of the stuff that’s been swapped back and forth.

So I was saying earlier that this year gave me the first White Christmas I’d ever seen. I thought since that was the first snow I’d seen in 8 years, it was going to be at least another 5 years or so before I see anymore. Oh, but no. Because as many of you know and have experienced in the last few days, it snowed up a mothertrucker a couple of days ago. And you know something else I’ve never done? Built a snowman. So, I decided this was the year when I do something about it. So, I got out yesterday and went to work. I didn’t have a shovel to work with so I just dumped it in a big mountain using a bucket. Making this thing man-sized like in all the movies was a lot harder than it looks. I know I’m not used to this much snow and everything, but I thought at least I could attempt the classic 3-ball shape. I realized pretty soon that that just wasn’t happening, so I just made a big…thing, and sculpted it into 3 different sections. Not having a scarf or hat, I fashioned it into a man the best I could. I think what turned out looks like something straight out of Tim Burton’s The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy and Other Stories.

He has since been dubbed Snow Thing. And he will rise from his arctic tomb to rain down an icy vengance upon you all.

9 Responses to “Secret Santa Karma and a Snow Thing”

  1. That’s a totally adorable little Batman guy.

    Have you ever seen those giant Whitman Sampler boxes? The ones that are like 14″x23″?

    Yeah, I have. I’ve been tempted to get one to see what the difference is.

  2. Batman and Snow Jabba are both fantastic. I love the people who do the exchange that clue into what you like or are into…makes for a fun exchange.

    And I still love my mug, but I am a little afraid to use it, I am afraid of dropping it.

    Yeah, I wanted to include a mix-CD in with yours as well and I bought a new DVD burner to make it with (and also just because I needed one), but found when I got home that the type of connection doesn’t fit with my motherboard, so I have to order an adapter now in order to install it. That’s another adventure altogether and I’m still waiting on the adapter to show up. Maybe later I’ll send it to you.

    Take care with that mug!

  3. That Whitman’s false tray. That is some bullshit right there. Why not just make the damned box smaller, so people don’t get their hopes up?

    See! This is what I’m saying.

    That’s like kissing your sister is what that is. I don’t even eat chocolate and I’m outraged on your behalf.

    We thank you for your support.

    WTF. Who even thinks up a trauma like that?

    Probably some suit in an office somewhere.

    Do you still have the box? Examine it, and see if there is any indication that there will be a BIG CARDBOARD CIRCLE JERK lurking under the first tray of chocolate. Why put the first tray in? Why not just stuff the box with used tissues and dead squirrels and call it a day?

    Up yours, Whitman’s. Up yours for real.

  4. Nice snowman. I’d build one myself, but I live in L.A. and it’s about 70 degrees and awesome. Haha…suck it snow! Actually I wouldn’t mind seeing a white Christmas, but I can always drive to the mountains if I want to see snow. I enjoy the mild winters.

    Yeah, I like them too. I just get hyped up about snow around here because it so rarely happens. I can’t believe it’s actually happened 3 times in the last year. That’s just unheard of for this area. I wish it could stay 70 degrees and awesome the rest of the year, but unfortunately the summers are brutal. Closer to 98 degrees with 75% humidity and very, very not awesome.

  5. I’m so glad you like the Batman figure…and as I just told you, your package came back to me and I will try to resend it. It might take a while, but I’ll make sure you get it.

    You realize I’m going to completely hold you to that now, right? I mean, the people demand a review of this so-called candy. You don’t want to let the people down now do you? No, you don’t.

  6. The is a sweet Batman(Dunny?)! Plus “Snow Thing” is awesome! I’m glad you were able to have a white Christmas. See, I always think it would be nice to move to a warmer climate, but I don’t think I would be able to handle not having our typical NY 4 seasons.

    I would have liked to participate in the X-E secret Santa. How would I go about getting in on this year’s?

    They seem to be organized by a different person every year. This past year was done by Amy, but in the past it was someone else. I guess just wait until December rolls around and see who steps up to organize it. I think Amy did a great job, so I nominate her.

  7. Just so everyone knows…Southern California has 4 seasons. There’s Earthquake, Fire, Rain and Mudslide. Sheesh! 😛

    Wow. We mostly have Hot, Really Hot, Are You Kidding Me Right Now?, and Jesus, It’s Cold All of a Sudden.

  8. I like the Batman guy, very nice. I would have been pissed at Whitman’s too man! Very rude. Don’t they know you don’t mess with people’s chocolate?!! Glad to hear you finally got your white Christmas. We’ve gotten a little snow here this year and though I’m not really a snow fan it’s better than being out in Utah/Idaho where it never melts.

    Word is, we’re supposed to get another storm next week, but I’ll believe it when I see it. I’d trade our hot summers for the cold winters of the north any day. I’m just glad I was able to enjoy it for a while because I’m sure it will be a long time before I see it again.

  9. […] on the left. I’m guessing that’s a bush. I don’t know what that is, but not since I built a Snow Thing, have I seen someone work so hard to make something so sad with so little. Rock on, Trailer Park of […]

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