Archive for July, 2011

Meet Wendy

Posted in Uncategorized on July 24, 2011 by DJ D

The other day, I had a craving for Waffle House. Waffle House is an institution around here, and for some reason they build them in 2’s. And, just like Baptist churches, you can find one about every 4 feet. There are 3 within a 3 mile radius of my house. Two of them are so close to one another that you can literally stand in the parking lot of one and look down the street and see the other one. God’s honest truth. But, I don’t want to talk about those two. I want to talk about Waffle House #3. You see, that was where I met Wendy.

I took this picture on the sly as she was zipping around, washing dishes and refilling drinks. I was texting a couple of people while I was there, just telling them about my Waffle House experience and I brought up my waitress. During the course of the meal, I decided she had to be introduced to the world.

I’ve been to this particular Waffle House several times and I’ve never seen the same waitress or cook working there twice. Either they’ve got a large staff that rotates a lot (you rarely ever see more than 3 people working at a Waffle House at the same time anyway), or they’ve got a high turnover rate. I guess that explains why this was my first introduction to Wendy. I never asked her her name, but it was on her name tag. She never asked me mine either, but the second I walked in the door, her first words to me were, “Hey Bo, how you doin’?” For those of you not familiar with life in the south, “Bo” is a term of endearment, and is kind of the redneck version of “buddy” or “dude”. I’ve never once called anyone “Bo”, but have been called “Bo” quite a few times. Wendy apparently likes the name because it was the only thing she called me the entire time I was there, and I heard it about 10 times…

“Hey Bo, you want some more Coke?”
“How you doin’, Bo? You need anything?”
“Dang, it’s hot out there today. Ain’t it, Bo?”

That was just one of the few things about Wendy that made Wendy…Wendy. Wendy looked like she’d not exactly had the easiest life so far. First of all, she only had about 2 teeth in her head. They were on the bottom, and spaced out evenly, one on each side, with a giant gap in the middle. It looked like a 7-10 split.

She was kind of skinny, had obviously spent a lot of time in the sun, and loved her some blue eye makeup. And check out that standard issue Waffle House visor. Well, not so much the visor, but the flair. Oh Sweet Jesus, the flair. Looking back, I wish I’d asked her about it.

When I first sidled up to the counter, she turned to the other lady working there and said, “Hey Mama, you wanna get this one or you want me to do it?” Mama replied, “Go ahead and take it, hon”. Why do I mention this? Well, the plot would soon thicken. A few minutes later, an older gentleman with a cane comes in and sits down. As soon as he walked in, Wendy exclaimed, “Hey Daddy!” Alright, so we’ve got Mama and Daddy on the scene. So far, so good. BUT…about 5 minutes later, another lady comes in and sits down next to Daddy. A patron at the next table looks up at Wendy and says, “Hey Wendy, you know these two rascals?” Wendy replies, “Yeah, you know that’s my mama and daddy”. What’s all this now? How many Mamas are we talking about here? Is this a “Bo” thing, where she just calls everybody “Mama”? I wish I had more answers for you, folks, but The Great Waffle House Mama Mystery will have to be solved another day.

So, that’s Wendy. Now that I think about it, she kind of reminded me of Lil from Squidbillies.

Wendy, you’re alright. Thanks for the hash browns.




And now, for no reason whatsoever, just to end this post, I give you all something else I captured on the sly. My favorite uncle, Uncle Paul, passed out in front of the evening news.

All It Took Was An All-Nighter

Posted in Uncategorized on July 11, 2011 by DJ D

Five months??? That’s how long it’s been? Holy jeez. As I start to type this, it’s nearly 7am on Monday morning and I decided last night that I would pull a total all-nighter. Not in the sense of staying up drinking and partying, but more in the sense of catching up with all of the blogs that I normally read but have been neglecting for the past few months. And if I got a wild hair up my behind, I’d actually, oh, I don’t know…write something myself. So, here you have it. My sleep schedule’s been complete caddywompus lately. Well, caddywompus by society’s standards, but totally normal for me. By that, I mean that I’ve been staying up until at least 5am every night and sleeping well into the afternoon. That’s my normal mode of operation because the devil knows I’m a night owl. But, it’s kind of got to stop because I am, after all, supposed to be job hunting (for 8 damn months now) and finding some way to pull money out of thin air to pay for school if I expect to go back next spring.

So as I write this, the sun is coming up and I’m sipping coffee (oh lord, how I loves mah coffee) and listening to the same thing I’ve been listening to for the last 4 hours, a litany of dark ambient tunes by ZOAR, Dead Can Dance, and a bunch of other bands that sound like ZOAR and Dead Can Dance. It’s great for background noise and perfectly adding to the darkly energized, yet zombified state that I find myself in at the moment. So, consider this post a metaphor for my state right now; not really waking up from a slumber per se, but rather that I’ve been awake all this time, floating by, zombified…but finally ready to jump back into action. Time to jumpstart this thing and get to writing again.

p.s. Something fun and necessary happened this week. I finally ditched my 6-year old piece of crap Sprint phone and went with a fancy pants Verizon Droid Incredible 2. I’m in love with it so far. So, as a treat for all of 3 of you who have actually waited for me to write something again, I present to you, by way of my new phone and its forward-facing camera, picture taking technology, a glimpse of what DJ D looks like when he’s been up all night, getting by on a steady diet of pitch black coffee, blogging, and spooky music. Enjoy.