Archive for September, 2011

White Trash Halloween

Posted in Uncategorized on September 18, 2011 by DJ D

It’s finally about that time.

I saw my first official Halloween commercial on TV yesterday. It was for Party City and had a bunch of nitwits dancing in costumes to some shitty cover of “Thriller”. I don’t care. It’s everywhere now. Target’s a little disappointing this year, but at least they’re in full on rubber bat mode. This is my time. The time of year when the rest of the world tunes their brains to the same infernal frequency that mine is locked into 666 days out of the year. The signs are in the autumn air and the lawn decorations are creeping up. And how.

I live in the south and let me tell you something right now. If there’s one thing that rednecks like to do it’s to demonstrate to you exactly how much useless shit they have by putting it out in the gee-dee front yard. In short, rednecks love to decorate outside for holidays. And that is why we’re here today. The other day after work, I decided to make a Halloween run. I hit up Target and a couple of the other smaller stores to see what was out and if I could snag any good deals. It was kind of a last minute decision. I was actually already in my neighborhood, about 2 turns away from my driveway, when I decided to turn around and head out. That was how I ended up in the other side of the neighborhood. No, it’s not the rough area so much as it’s the…well…mobile area. And that’s where I spotted this vision. You may want to click it to get the bigger version. You don’t want to miss anything this baby’s got to offer.

Take a look at this thing. I’m not judging. I’m really not, but you have to wonder what goes through the brains of people. Let’s take a quick inventory. We’ve got a wagon of some kind in the middle there. There appears to be a makeshift bridge leading up the the front porch. On said bridge there may or may not be a chainsaw and weed eater. No, those are not part of the spooky decor. I also like how they obviously had some of that pumpkin “garland” stuff left over and just said, “fuck it, we’ll just string it up next to the door”. And let’s not forget Old Glory. But the best..the absolute best is the star of the show. The pumpkin bush on the left. I’m guessing that’s a bush. I don’t know what that is, but not since I built a Snow Thing, have I seen someone work so hard to make something so sad with so little. Rock on, Trailer Park of Terror. You may not know how to clean up, but at least you’re putting some effort in.

By the way, two trailers down, I saw a front yard with no less than 4 chickens in it, as well as a giant open bag of dog food laid out next to a garbage pail, from which 3 neighborhood dogs were feeding. Yep.

So, after the Trailer Park Tour of Terror was over, I made my way to Target were I was honestly a little underwhelmed. They’re usually the place to be every year, but so far it’s lacking a little something. Instead of revolving around a central theme of zombie butlers and creepy mascot children, this year there are just a few rows of candy and costumes…and that’s about it. Maybe they were just getting started. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt and check back later, but I found much more interesting things somewhere else. Right here:

Wilson’s is one of those types of places that Matt writes about sometimes, if we’re lucky. It’s one of those deals where from floor to ceiling, you’re assaulted with a barrage of…stuff. Stuff of any kind in the world. There is very little order or reason to any of it. I saw everything from sewing supplies to fart spray to tiki torches to well, you’ll see. The first thing you need to know is that I have to apologize for the lack of pictures, and possibly dodgy quality of the ones I did take. That place was crawling with not only children, but also employees, coming up to me every 25 seconds to see if I needed anything. I’m sure the fact that I was just walking around shifty eyed with my phone in my hand didn’t help. I was trying desperately to snap any pic I could at all without getting a kid in the shot or getting spotted by one of the 427 people they had working there. The last thing I needed was to get thrown out for being some pedo perv with a weird Halloween kink.

So, this first one was done on the fly and it was the best I could do while pretending to text while getting the stink-eye from the large woman behind the front counter. It probably didn’t help that I forgot to turn the flash off.

You know how I said the place was packed from floor to ceiling? Yeah, I meant that literally. Some areas actually had giant spiders and ghosts and things hanging down just above your head. The isles are incredibly narrow and every square inch is packed with all manner of spooky crap. It’s like a Spencer’s had sex with a flea market. Here was the best I could do at getting a shot of a full isle from a safe distance. Note the South Carolina state flag displayed on the back of that one lady’s shirt. I promise that wasn’t planned.

While making the rounds, I decided to check out the rest of the store, the non-Halloweenified parts. It was there that I found this. Gothic Powder Paint.

I don’t know what you’re supposed to do with this, but I’m guessing it involves drawing ceremonial pentagrams in the sidewalk that will eventually be washed away by the tears of Robert Smith.

In conclusion, my favorite part of the store was this guy.

I’m sorry for all of this.

Going Through Changes

Posted in Uncategorized on September 6, 2011 by DJ D

Changes are in the air lately in the life of DJ D. And they are 4-fold: Seasons, Jobs, Gender (calm down, and just keep reading), and Radio:

1) Season Changes — It’s no secret that Fall is creeping up on us and I couldn’t be happier about it. The summers here are horrendous. Absolutely abysmal, and I’ll be happy to see the back of it. The temps here in the summer are usually somewhere between 90-98 degrees in the day and don’t get down much lower than that even when the sun goes down. But lately, even though the days are unbearable, the nights are at least getting fairly cool. Around here, that’s actually progress. Usually, we don’t see what you would call cold weather until right around Halloween, and I can’t wait for it to happen. December and January actually get pretty damn cold though, and while everyone else is complaining about it, I absolutely love it because I appreciate it while it lasts. I know that in a matter of months, I’m going to be bitching and moaning again. My description of our 4 seasons is as follows: Hot, Hotter, Are You Kidding Me With This Right Now?, and Jesus, It’s Cold All Of A Sudden.
But do you know what brings me hope? This:

This was at Wal-Mart the other day, right on the outskirts of the Back To School section. There were no other Halloween decorations around. Just one lone skull, a portent of fun things to come. Of course, by the time you read this, some of the stores will have already started to put things out, but I don’t believe Wally World has. Any day now, though. I’m writing this on the night of Labor Day. As far as I’m concerned, on the day after Labor Day…it’s on.

2) Job Changes — Two weeks ago I started my new job. I don’t know that I have much to say about it, other than I’ve been looking for a while, and I guess I’m relieved to have found something. I had to go through 2 weeks of training, which wrapped up on Friday. I had today off, and tomorrow I go in for my first official day of doing the work. It’s tech support, which means I’ll be spending my days talking to complete idiots on the phone and counting down the minutes to my next break. Yes, I’m happy I finally have a job after nearly a year of looking, but I’m still looking. I may still be doing this a year from now, but I hope not. Right now, I’m just glad to be getting a paycheck, although it’s not much more than I’ve been making on unemployment. I’ll miss my days of laying around, surfing for jobs online, and catching up on Desperate Housewives.

3) Gender Changes — No, not me. Settle down. But it does seem to be around me quite a bit lately. I’ve gotten to this weird point in my life in which I am regularly interacting with not one, but two transexuals. I’ve been driving down to Columbia lately (the reason why is coming up in #4) and while down there, I’ve been stopping by my old place of employment, which happens to be one of the biggest comic book stores in the country. I usually swing by and pick up a few back issues of whatever series I’m reading at the moment, and since it’s usually on a Sunday, the person working at the counter is my old co-worker, Dana. Dana didn’t always used to be Dana though. When I worked there, she was David. David was always an odd bird. He was just a tad on the feminine side, tended to wear women’s blouses to work, and feminine earrings. I thought nothing of it until I saw him at my favorite dive bar one weekend in full drag. He was introducing himself as Dana and wouldn’t answer to anything else. I don’t know if he thought no one would notice, or if he was just trying out being female for a while. Either way, it was a preview of what was to come. Of course, looking back, the thought of anyone dressing in drag at that particular bar wasn’t all that weird. He was hardly the first one and the bar hasn’t been voted “Best Place to People Watch” in the local paper for a few years in a row for nothing.

I stopped working at the store shortly after that, and actually didn’t see him for a few years. I think he may have stopped working there himself for a while, or just scaled back his hours. Fast forward a few years, and I walked in one day to find some new person working there. Some lady that I only saw from the side. The only thing I noticed was that she had long hair and was, as they say, top heavy. Sure enough it was old Dave, now full on Dana. I don’t know what the deal is with those things, if they’re the result of hormones, surgery, or a combination of the two, but I know a lot of women who were born women who would be jealous. Dana’s alright in my book. She’s always been good for conversation and is seriously passionate about comic books. I’m talking ranting and raving passionate. Sometimes it’s a little difficult to get away from her once she gets on a tear about asshole artists she’s met, or god-forbid, the new DC relaunch. But, that’s another post for another day.

Did I mention, I have two transexuals in my life? Yep, the second one’s at my new job. Her name is Erika (nee Erik), and is not nearly as far on as Dana. “She” is really just a young, effeminate gay man with long hair who identifies himself as female. We’ve all decided to respect it, although she’s not really putting quite as much work into playing the part. But, I do have to respect it. No pun intended, but it takes some real balls to live in the good-old-boy South and not only be a gay man, but decide you’re going to live as a woman, no matter how far along into that you are.

4) Radio Changes — For those of you just joining us, I have been the DJ of a radio show for the past 14 years. Last year, I had to move out of town and for nearly a year now, it’s been off the air. But, about a month ago, I decided that was enough of that, and put in my application to get the show back. It means I have to drive down to Columbia (an hour and a half away from where I live now, in my home town) once a week, but it’s absolutely worth it. During my time off the air, I’ve used Facebook and other online locations to network and promote the hell out of it. I managed to collect over 100 new “Likes” on the Facebook page in the past year, which is pretty cool for a show that wasn’t even on the air and only existed as a collection of old playlists and YouTube videos. I get new “Likes” every day and the feedback on the page has been great. I was just doing it this past Saturday night and got some great feedback from two new listeners in Australia and Ireland, both guys who discovered it online and have been waiting for their chance to finally actually listen. Looks like Facebook is good for something after all. For those of you not in the know and who are interested, here’s all you need to know. I have to give a shoutout to Jugendsehnsucht for designing this kickass flyer:

Dark Entries: Goth Radio
Saturday nights 10pm-Midnight (Eastern)
WUSC 90.5 FM — Columbia, SC
Listen here streaming live at WUSC’s website
The Dark Entries: Goth Radio Facebook Page