I Did A Stupid Poster Thing

I’m grateful to be gainfully employed. I really am, but my day job is…well, it’s not exactly my life calling. But I guess there could be worse things. For the most part, I get paid to sit in front of a computer and occasionally get up and mess around with other computers and printers and things. I work in IT during the day. That’s about all you need to know. I do pride myself on a certain air of mystery, after all.

So, when one of the supervisory types came round today and wanted to recruit some people for a, get this, poster contest, guess who jumped at the chance to spend an hour or so not teaching idiots how to set up their wireless networks. They were specifically looking for people who have some sort of artistic talent or ability. Apparently every department would submit one poster and they would all be judged. I don’t even know what the winners would get. All I know is that it would mean I could get away from my desk for about an hour or so.

So the recruits were myself, some chick I don’t know who had no artistic ability at all, but was just looking for an excuse to not do any work, and the nerdy guy that sits next to me who spends most of his time reading Robert Jordan books and drawing Dragon Ball Z characters into his sketch book. At least I have someone at work who I can talk to about the twists and turns of the Wheel of Time series. It’s nice to have a fellow Jordanite on my team.

So we set about our work, and I use the term “work” lightly. Lazy Girl came up with some convoluted concept that involved putting stars all over the poster and having them all represent something, ultimately coming together into a bigger star that represented the client, or some other nonsense. I was distracted the whole time she was explaining it because she kept drawing all of the stars as The Star of David, only I don’t think she knew what a Star of David was. The plan was, she would draw the simple stuff (unintentional religious symbols and lettering), and the anime nerd and I would take care of the real work. The real work, by the way, consisted of me drawing a picture of a printer and him drawing a picture of a person sitting at a desk typing.

I guess I should mention now that the supervisory type only told us about this thing at 2:00, but said that it absolutely had to be done by 3:00, even though they’ve known about this thing all week. Well, we knew that wasn’t going to happen. Lazy Girl kept ducking out and running back and forth to her desk and pretty much disappearing for long stretches at a time. So, Anime Nerd and I just decided to take pages from his sketchbook and work on our individual parts separately, and then we’d just cut them out and tape them onto the larger poster paper later. But, our scheduled lunch breaks were coming up, so that killed about 45 minutes. Then they came to us and said it had to be done by 4:00. Some more work stuff got in the way, yadda, yadda, yadda….

Long story short, somewhere around 4:45, I found myself standing in front of a printer, frantically sketching a picture of it, while Anime Nerd was frantically drawing what can only be described as an amputee with a bionic implant growing out the side of his face. Lazy Girl was flipping right the f**k out, throwing stars everywhere. I kept poking my head around the corner, watching the judges as they actually were in the middle of judging the poster contest while we were still in the process of coloring and taping. We ran over there and submitted it just in time to see them hanging the winning ribbon on the winning poster. You know what, I don’t even care. The whole deal was such a clusterfudge from start to finish that all I cared about at that point was that I spent the better part of 2 hours away from my desk eating lunch and playing with color pencils.

The sadness you see before you is the final result. Don’t ask me to explain it. I didn’t understand the concept the first time she came up with it, and I don’t understand it now. All I know is that I was in charge of drawing a frigging printer. (Note: You might want to click on all the pics here to get bigger versions. They’re kind of light and contain a lot of fun details that you can’t see in these smaller versions.)

Here’s a better shot of my handiwork. That’s the result of about 30 minutes of sketching, a dull pencil, and using a folded up piece of paper as a ruler/straight edge. If I cared more about it, I’d be really ashamed. Believe it or not, I occasionally earn a little money on the side by drawing portraits. I wouldn’t even hang this thing on the refrigerator.

But you want to know the worst part? After all our hard work, Lazy Girl’s near aneurysm over how her stars were going to turn out, my constant drawing and redrawing of that stupid printer, not to mention Anime Nerd’s…whatever that is…THIS thing, concocted by someone over at the customer service department, was the winner of the contest.

Bullshit.

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4 Responses to “I Did A Stupid Poster Thing”

  1. Customer Service Is…WHAT?? I have to know!

    It’s no wonder that poster won, it is totally compelling. I can’t function until I know what Customer Service is, besides “bullshit”. You’re being deliberately unhelpful.

    I have no idea what’s supposed to follow that. I’m going to go with “lame at designing posters”.

  2. That won? Seriously? What the hell? Were the judges stoned or did all the other posters suck just as bad?

    They were all just about the same level of suck. I think ours, while absolutely mediocre, at least had a tiny bit of artistic talent behind it.

  3. Arts and crafts at work? Where do I sign up? It looks like summer camp… except not as cool.

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