The Ross Scale

This is a place holder. I realized the other day that I’ve been lazy lately and have ignored this place at a time when one should not be ignoring blogs. I mean, it’s nearly Christmas for crying out loud. It’s not like I don’t have things to talk about. So, before I start going off on decorations, music, and that fat pervert who still owes me a G1 Soundwave, I’ll give you this early Christmas present: The story of how DJ D lost his game.

By “game”, I mean my ability to pull the ladies. Now, don’t get me wrong. I do alright, but even I have my off days. Friday was one of those days. What follows is my account of my failed attempt to “dip my pen in the company ink”, as it were.

I was standing in line behind this cute girl at work the other day in the cafeteria. It was taco day. I noticed she had a bow in her hair that had a skull in the middle of it. I’ve also noticed her around. After staring at it for a few minutes, I said something like, “Hey, I like your skull.” For some god-awful reason, I felt the need to point at my skull as I said it.

“Oh, uh, ok…thanks”. She turned back around.

A few minutes pass by and I realize that she probably thought some weirdo just complimented her on her actual skull. So, I decided to dig the hole deeper clarify.

“I meant, I like your bow thing…with the little skull.”

“Oh, thanks.” She turns back to the taco meat.

More time passes.

“I mean, not that your skull’s not nice too. I’m sure it’s fine. I just didn’t want you to think I was talking about it. But the skull’s nice too. I mean, the real one…And the bow.” By this point, I can see the look in her eyes is saying that she really wishes that this line would move a little faster.

“Your hair’s nice…”

Oh, the humanity. Someone just make it stop.

All I could think about was the time Ross flirted with the pizza girl and I tried to grade what I was going through on a scale of Worse Than Ross or Better Than Ross. She ended up just ordering a side of rice. I don’t know if that was her plan all long or if she abandoned tacos altogether in an attempt to just get out of there faster. At least I wasn’t talking about gas.

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11 Responses to “The Ross Scale”

  1. Oh deej no! Not a girl from the w#rkplace! Never shit where you eat, my horny friend. Can only lead to woe.

    • Oh yes, I know. I’ve done that very thing twice in the past and while both times were fun, neither were exactly wise. However, as you’ve just read, I seriously doubt we have anything to worry about here. The only thing I’ve managed to accomplish is to cement myself as the creepy guy in the lunch line who likes to talk about skulls. The fact that for the past week I’ve had a book sitting on my desk called Serial Killers: The Method and Madness of Monsters, probably isn’t helping my case any either.

  2. That is too funny! Sounds like something Ross or even George Costanza would do. This seems to be why the term “never mix business with pleasure”, was coined. 🙂

  3. No one will probably ever see this, but the idea that “Jason” came to a Costanza conclusion all on his own just warms my heart.

  4. Classic. Grateful to know I’m not the only one who suffers from verbal diarrhea when talking with someone I’m attracted to. 🙂

    • I like to think that I’m pretty smooth, but there are times when I turn into a blithering idiot. I’m glad you’re commenting here again! I miss my favorite blog buddies, especially the ones I made up songs about.

  5. I haven’t just neglected you… I’ve neglected the entire blogosphere (even my own). I just can’t get over how busy I am. By the time I’m home from work, the last thing I want to do is get on my computer. I was so exhausted last night that I went to bed at 9:30. 9:30!!!

    And I had forgotten about that song. Very cool of you (notice how I didn’t use the word ‘sweet’). I’d bake you something but you live a fair distance from me and mailing baked goods never works out for anyone.

    • You should just write a blog post all about you baking something. Or better yet, make a video of it, and that way we can have an actual record of you next accident to enjoy at our leisure.

  6. Did you miss my blog on making caramel? Or how about my blog on my favorite Cuban dish, Ropa Vieja? Both with photos, neither produced an accident. I don’t hurt myself in the kitchen. On the basketball court or walking down the street? Well, that’s a different story but in the kitchen, I’m pretty suave.

  7. Hoverbored Says:

    Talking to ladies is tricky business. There’s a very funny article on Cracked about this exact sort of thing:

    http://www.cracked.com/article_18440_6-things-men-do-to-get-laid-that-science-says-turn-women-off.html

    “…(It’s the) timeless art of seduction!”

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