Halloween: The Aftermath–Part 1: The Birthday Massacre

Wow. Where the heck did I disapper to for so long? It’s been over a month since the last post. Back into my little coffin of job hunting, Halloween shopping, going out of town to visit the family, and celebration I guess. Celebration? What’s all this about celebration? Well, Halloween of course. Oh yeah, and there was that other thing…

Sunday was my birthday!

Man, there’s so much to talk about regarding birthday stuff, Halloween of course, our new president…where to start? Well, first off, you guys have been putting up some really groovy stuff lately. I would recommend anyone reading this who doesn’t read the other blogs on my blogroll to click on any random one, sit down, have a drink, and get comfortable. You’ll be thoroughly entertained, I assure you. I’m also jazzed that I finally got out of my slump and started posting on X-E again. I’ve sooooo missed it. Sometimes I just crawl into my cyber coffin and hybernate for a while, as you regular readers well know. But, I’m back for a while with a whole slew of stuff to write about. No, I’m not making any kind of convoluted promises or anything cause God knows I can’t keep ’em! Just saying the last week has been REALLY eventful and I’m really excited about writing about it.

Ok, what to do first. Well, as of this writing, about one hour ago Barack Obama gave his victory speech. I have no intention of turning this blog into anything political because I honestly just have other things to talk about. Catch me one-on-one and we’ll talk, but I’m going to steer clear of it here. I will say that while I don’t completly trust or get too excited about any political candidate I am really intrigued by him and his speeches just give me goosebumps. I mean, the man is just inspirational. It may all be total B.S., but I like him. For now, I’m really glad things turned out the way they did. I think we’re better off as a country tonight than we’ve been in a while.

Ok, now on to the fun stuff! I’m gonna talk more later about what I actually did on my birthday, but let’s go back to Halloween for now since it’s been while since I’ve posted anything. With that, I give you…

The Great Punkin’ Carving of ’08!

My cousin and I have a tradition every year. We usually sit out on his porch or in the garage and carve up our punkins while listening to a CD of skeery Halloween sounds. We’ve been listening to that same CD with an old boombox for years. Here it is in case you care.


Well, because it was raining this time we moved everything indoors and did it at the kitchen table. Then, my cousin came up with a really groovy idea. One of my favorite horror movies from one of my favorite years (1985!) is The Midnight Hour. Even though it’s a Halloween themed movie and the big day has now come and gone, I suggest you check it out if you’ve never seen it. It’s got a little something for everybody–zombies, a werewolf, a guy in love with a ghost, a completely random song and dance number, and not to mention LeVar Burton–aka Geordi La Forge, aka Kunta Kinte, aka Reading Rainbow. Depends on which way you swing, I guess. It’s equally genuinely creepy, funny, over the top, outlandish, and is one of the most amazing things ever put to film in all of American cinema.

So, with The Midnight Hour playing on the TV in the background, we set about the dirty deed of putting knife to flesh. Here’s a pic of the 2 that we got from Wal-Mart. They’re really dirty as you can see, so I spent some time just cleaning up mine before I started carving. That’s mine in the foreground there.


Now, my cousin and I have 2 totally different ways of carving. In my bloated ego, I fancy myself to be quite the artist and am very anal about drawing everything out before I start cutting. I spend a lot of time planning out every little stab and detail. He just takes a knife to the thing and starts hacking away with no plan at all–complete freestyle. The result is that it takes him all of 5 minutes and he’s always happy with it. It takes me the better part of an hour and I’m constantly going back and looking at it and finding a million things that could be better. Such is my life. Anyway, here it is with the design drawn on–pre carved:


Here she is all carved up:


And now, the finishing touch:


Isn’t that just precious? Remember what I said about my cousin’s freestyle way of just hacking away at it? Well, check it out:


I’m not sure exactly what’s going on there. That’s obviously an eye on the right there–classic triangle shape. We can make out the wonky mouth too. Now that diamond shaped thing in the middle is supposed to be the other eye. I finally had to break down and ask him exactly what in the hay that thing is on the left is. He said it was “a scar.”

I sat right next to him the whole time he was carving it. I swear he wasn’t drinking.

Right, so what punkin carving story would be complete without finding out the eventual fate of Toothy McGrinnerson over here? Well, he ended up on the porch with my other decorations I got from Wal-Mart. I really wanted to go all out this year and put a lot more into decorating the yard since I finally actually have one, but having just gotten layed off 3 weeks ago, I gotta watch the spending until I get more work. So, I got this nifty little graveyard scene. Everything you see here (minus the punkin of course) came together in one package and only cost $15:


The skeleton actually had feet popping out too but they didn’t fit in the picture. I only had one group of like 8 trick-or-treaters that came all at once. They greedily took giant handfulls of candy, almost emptying my bucket. Then I found later as I was leaving to go out for the night that they had stolen one of the hands from my skeleton. UNGRATEFUL BASTARDS!!! If I ever find out who took it, I’ll be replacing it with the real thing. Oh yes. Real bones once attached to the plump limb of a thieving, sugar filled 8 year will look so much better in my yard of the damned.

Oh yes.

So, after the tricking, treating and petty theft were done, I headed out to my local haunt (puns are fun) to look at costumes and hold up the wall. This was the first year in about 4 years that I didn’t dress up. I’ve done the same thing for the last few years–going as Buffallo Bill from The Silence of the Lambs. I walked around with a bottle of lotion inside of a bucket which had a rope tied to the handle. On my shoulder was a little poodle (Precious). I’d walk around the bar, standing on tables and lowering my bucket down. “It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again!” SotL is one of my favorite movies of all time and I can just about quote every line of it. I figured I’d played out that costume though, so it’s retired for now.

Best costume I saw at the bar: Joker from The Dark Knight in nurse outfit with wig. There were like 5 Jokers, but the nurse outfit made all the difference.

Worst costume and thing that made me want to scrub my brain: Giant bloody tampon. Ew.

Moving on. So, what became of the punkin after Halloween came and went? Well, as you know, they don’t last forever:


Poor old coot. He’s in his final resting place now–the woods out behind the house. He will be missed.

So, that does it for Part 1 of The Halloween Aftermath. I’ll try to return tomorrow night with Part 2 where I’ll tell you guys all about the 2 Nine Inch Nails concerts I’ve been to in the last few days. Got loads of pics and stories from those.

Oh, btw I called this one The Birthday Massacre for the obvious reasons but also because it’s the name of one of my new favorite bands. Listeners of my show have probably heard me play them from time to time. I want to kidnap the lead singer and take her home with me and keep her forever and ever and ever. Here’s why:

13 Responses to “Halloween: The Aftermath–Part 1: The Birthday Massacre”

  1. Happy belated birthday, sir…

    A most evil pumpkin you made there!!

    We were tight on time this year, so the creative juices had pretty much dried up. The missus and I had the kids pick patterns from a book. We let the kids scoop ’em out then she and I split a 12 pack and got to carving. Despite the booze and knives combo, we both retained all our digits.

    Look forward to the next entry!!


  2. I dig the pumpkin but I’m not too sure what look your cousin was trying to go for.

    I gotta admit I don’t know that I’ve heard of “The Midnight Hour” but I’ll have to give it a go, sounds decent!

    Looking forward to your next entry, whenever that may be!

  3. UPDATE!!! I went back and added a second clip from The Midnight Hour to further illustrate the cheesy and surreal magnificance of this masterpiece of cinema. Keep in mind this particular scene comes out of nowhere. You’re trucking along, watching a nice low budget mid-80’s teen horror/comedy and the next thing you know your senses are assaulted with a completely random musical song and dance number. You haven’t lived until you’ve seen Geordi from Star Trek:TNG pulling a “Thriller.” That’s worth the price of admission alone.

    You know what else? That semetary scene up there honestly scared the living bejeezus out of me when I was a kid. Now I think the song and dance number is more terrifying.

    FM Nice to see you around here again! I realized after you posted that for some reason I didn’t have you added to my blogroll. That has been corrected and I owe you an apology on that one. Yeah, I take pride in my pumpkin carving skills. Occasionally I’ll change it up and try something new but I tend to stick to that face you see up there. Stick with what works, I guess. I kind of had to do Halloween on the fly this year too but I’m happy with how things turned out.

    Dan The Midnight Hour was amazing. It had a lot of big celebrity cameos…well, big for 1985. It was one of the unsung classics of the 80’s that doesn’t get enough respect. It’s cheesy and corny as all get out, but it actually had a few really creepy moments.

  4. No sweat Deej. Us Advent alum need to stick together after all. Dying for the clues to start!!

  5. What blog did I stumble across here??? A new post??? What the???

    Sounds like a good time was had recently. I like the pumpkin. I thought about carving one, but it would have been too much trouble and I didn’t want to deal with the clean up.

    Midnight Hour looks pretty good. I’m all about the cheesy horror movies. I’ll have to add this to my list of movies to watch.

  6. FM–I know. I’m all jazzed about it. I might have to go back and skim over last year’s calander again because it’s been a while and I’ve forgotten a lot about what happened last year. I feel sorry for anyone coming into this new who knows nothing about it. I spent some time reading/posting on your blog last night. Good stuff you got there. Wish I would have been reading it more all along.

    DC–I was wondering when you’d show up! Yes, Hell must have just gotten considerably colder cause there’s a new post up. I might even do it again tonight. Look out! You should give pumpkin carving another shot. It’s not that bad. And check out The Midnight Hour. I forgot to mention this, but someone has the entire movie up on YouTube, broken up into 10 different parts. So you can see it for freesies.

  7. It’s all good. I’ve been struggling with my blog too. I can’t come up with any good material right now. Work has been a bit busier and I’m not online too much at home. I’ll try to think of something to post up soon…I don’t know maybe like a post on a drawing or something…;)

    I think I’m going to watch Midnight Hour tomorrow on the YouTube! I love being able to watch movies there for free. What a wonderful world.

  8. I’ll try to think of something to post up soon…I don’t know maybe like a post on a drawing or something…;)

    Yes, well…ahem…(*looking down at feet, embarrassed*)…I suppose I should just…um…Excuse me, I have something I need to go do…(*walks away briskly, clutching pencil in hand*)

  9. Happy belated Halloween and Birthday, sir! Glad to see you back at x-e, too!

    And how do I not know about Midnight Hour? I’m taking DC’s advice and heading over to YouTube…

  10. velouria_78–Yeah, it’s good to be back there. I don’t know what I was thinking just disappearing for the entire Halloween Countdown and most of the Megaparty. I just get into these funks where I go off in to my little corner for a while. I’m glad to be back writing here again too. And it’s good to see you around. We should talk more.

    I think if you type in “Midnight Hour 1985” into YouTube you should find all the parts of it. I was searching there to try to find the trailer to include with this, but instead only found the movie itself, and a few clips. Apparently there was another unrelated, low budget movie with the same name that was made a few years ago, so watch out for that. Just be sure to include the “1985” part into your search and you should find it easily.

  11. NiN! Nice! I can’t wait to see the pictures.

  12. i am already looking forward to pumpkin carving NEXT YEAR. i got screwed out of doing it this year on account of being a temporary cripple. all of my halloween fun this year has been online… 😦

  13. Amy–Hey, do a Thanksgiving one. Why not? Better late than never. Nice to see you around here! Hope your temporary cripple status is now over.

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