Caffeinated Wisdom on the Restroom Wall

Most everyone reading this knows that I have a weekly radio show on WUSC 90.5 FM called Dark Entries: Goth Radio. It airs every Saturday night from 8-10pm (eastern) and can be heard streaming live on the WUSC site. Tune in and you can hear me play all kinds of spooky music and movie clips and generally embarrass myself. The station is in Columbia, SC, where I went to school and used to live. I’m crashing somewhere else these days (temporarily), and have to drive in to do the show once a week. This means an hour and a half drive. My weekly tradition lately is to drive in, stop by Chick-Fil-A, grab a combo and eat it in the studio before I hit the airwaves. So, if you’ve ever heard the show, what you may occasionally hear is me slurping on a diet lemonade in between song announcements. That is if I actually went to Chick-Fil-A. If I didn’t go there, it was because I hit up the bar first. Sometimes I stop by The Hunter Gatherer up the street for a few bourbon and cokes before I do my thing, so if you luck out, on any given night you might be entertained by DJ Slush. This has resulted in a few creative song choices as well as the occasional drunk dial.

If I don’t go to the bar before hand, I occasionally hit it up afterward instead. During the show, I’m participating in a fun chat in the comments thread on the Dark Entries: Goth Radio Facebook Page, which is where I also post the playlists for the show the day after. The discussion that takes place during the show has lately become an interactive part of the show itself, and if you’re not joining in that, you’re missing out. It always continues after the show is over, usually while I’m sitting at the bar and posting from my phone.

Why do I mention any of this, aside from using it an excuse to plug my show? Don’t judge me. A fella’s gotta hustle. It’s my way of setting up what happened last weekend. After the show, I headed off to have a few. I did, and then got the notion that I had a craving for some coffee. Mocha, to be more specific. Deej loves him some mocha. And bourbon. I have to work on combining those.

So, I headed off to Cool Beans, a coffee shop where I actually worked while in college. It used to be called Cafe Espresso (we referred to it as Cafe Depresso), but some genius decided to rename it Cool Beans after he bought it out. As Johnny Cash once said, I still hate that name.

So, I strolled in and ordered my usual. It’s called The Perfect Woman and involves coffee, chocolate, more chocolate, and whip cream. The little things floating on top are chocolate disks that slowly sink to the bottom and melt along the way, thus infusing it with even more caffeinated joy. I want one right now.

After picking up my cup of jitters, I set about hitting the road and making the 90 mile drive back home. As you can imagine, 2 bourbon and cokes and a giant cup of Perfect Woman later, and nature started to call. I saw a gas station way off the interstate that I had never been to before, and headed into the restroom. I immediately spotted this sign:

I will say the walls were completely clean. Then I saw the sink.

And the toilet

Then I went for the paper towels. That was when I saw the only bit of graffiti in the entire room: